Being a man is almost as hard as being a woman (I suspect) and not as easy as just being an orangoutang (or so I have been told- although he did just roll over and show me his butt).
Being human is hardest when the definition of such seems so fluid these days that to admit mortality is a sure fire way to end up on a social media firing line dodging bullets.
speaking of bullets, the rest of this post will now be in bullets since much of this is just a pack of ideas.
- I have to admit that I am, in fact, a man. As a man, I am under constant scrutiny by the masses (them) the unseen but often felt pressure of expectation to be more manly. Vague definitions of what it really is to be a man (such as: Sexism, machoism, chauvinism, somethingelse-ism, etc) come and go as I struggle to understand what I am to believe makes me a man. I usually look to Kipling to fill me in on this subject: If
- I am Human. What does that mean is less important than what it should it should mean.
Mostly it ends up being taken as being fallible or claiming to be fallible. I guess if you were a god then you'd refer to that as being infallible but since I am not a god (even in my own mind)- I wouldn't actually know what being godly was even though it is my name's sake namesake? But I digress. I am human- as the 80's song says "born to make mistakes" which is kind of fatalistic, don't you think? - I am not a woman although sometimes I catch myself wishing things had gone differently at birth. My brother might have actually been nice to me instead of seeing me as competition and trying to do me in with his toys. I might have been married by now, although this is grossly unfair since it is a misconception that it is easier for a woman to get a man then the other way around. Still, at my weaker moments I wonder if I would have had an easier time with my own sexuality anyway.
- I am a "straight" white male. Perhaps the worst thing is to realize that you are the stereotype of a man. I am not actually straight. One of my homosexual friends laughed when I asked them if they thought I was gay, she shook her head and said: "Oh Mike, you aren't straight, you're just bent." She's also the one who told me that it was too bad I wasn't a woman. No wonder I am such a basket-case. Another woman, one whom I had spent a lot of time convincing myself that I was really, madly, truly in love with told me that I was really bisexual because homosexuality didn't immediately upset me or make me ill. She was a piece of work, she was- she's currently a upper class white conservative straight woman. I think she's happy as that, happier then when she wasn't any of those. But I digress, this isn't about her, it's about me. I am not a straight white male, I am just a sexual one who is particularly inept at being with anyone.
- I am not a character archetype. I know what some of you will say. It's funny in a macabre point of view. I am a 40 something white overweight single man who lives with his mother. How many character types does that fit? 4 main ones often profiled by the police and the FBI. Serial Killer. Rapist, Child Molester, and traditional Irish son. You were going to say something like terrorist or hacker or 3 time loser- or gay man. Mostly, it's accidental, because life just happens to turn out that way. I am stuck and I know it. I don't want to be stuck though.
- I stopped this morning and realized that if I hoped to call myself Christian I would probably come under the same fire as calling myself a liberal. Because, as many of you know, it's a sin to be liberally minded. Jesus was obviously not a socialist or a liberal...because they had not been invented yet. He couldn't be a republican because the roman were the republicans. The greeks were democrats and the jews were being blamed for everything. I read all that on the internet, I did. Just go take a look at Christian MEMES, also Han Solo and the Jedi are really Christians too. And Jesus has conversations with Batman and Superman and Spiderman about what a real hero is like. I understand the need for this kind of conversion or inclusion but mostly it just confuses the heck out of me. Is Darth Vader as Satanist or a Roman. Is Yoda Moses? Just nod if you get the point, it's safer that way.
- I am a Christian and I do attend church (with the little c) I work for a Church (with the big C) and that's hard. I define myself based on the teachings of Jesus who is called the Christ as best as I can find and understand what others said that he said. Why? Because I know that it right for me, and I have faith enough to know it is truth. Other than that, it is the best way I see to live. I read the rest of the bible from time to time but the law according to Jesus' ministry is my Law. The rest either supports that or I choose to ignore it (for a variety of reasons but mostly it has to agree with my understanding/faith or I will have no part of it.) Yes I am christian but apparently not Christian as that seems to come with doctrines set down by Popes and Paul and a string of other people.
- I am Liberal and damned proud of it. That being said, let loose the slings and arrows of wild conjecture that is mostly determined to define Liberalism as a thing of willful naivety and blind ignorance. I think the arrow slingers mostly hate us liberals because they want to believe that we are wrong to be what we are. Left to them, liberalism is redefined as a thing of evil and willful immorality that nicely fits into their various agendas of supremacy and hatred. Mostly, I ended up feeling the Libtard haters are screaming about that things should stay the same because it works for the few and by golly the few like it that way. If you really want to know what the liberals believe than stop jumping to conclusions and actually look at our desire for equal rights for all, being responsible for everyone, for wanting a peaceful life that does not start with us killing someone else.
- Also I am a social democrat and no I ain't explaining it, since it doesn't really matter anyway.
the answer is simple.
ironically.
stop boxing me.
I am not jean val jean. I am not a prisoner with a number, I am who I want to be, not something that social media, my culture, my sex, my hair color or penis size or IQ demands that I be.
I am just me.
and to put it tritely
that often just scares the hell out of me.
So my point of this blog.
We either categorize ourselves (Jungian Method/Myers Briggs) or we label ourselves or somehow limit ourselves or regulate who we are into easy definable classes. Mostly because we think that it will make us more dateable or employable or likable.
But it doesn't unless you meet or get employed by (etc) the same kind of person.
It's like many video games. There's the main character and a few named characters around him or her and the rest of the world is named after generic terms. i.e. terrorist 1 or Settler or Raider or Person or Date or Thug or - well you should get the picture.
But everyone has their own name (mostly) and that actually makes them fairly unique
unique until someone comes along and lumps them with someone else who might just be similar in some way and then Blonde one talks to Blonde two while Spy One takes a bullet for the only named character on the set, you.
It's safer that way, no risk, no chance of getting your feelings hurt (much)
unless you stop and demand that you are someone and not just a someone else.
and that's a scary thing, to go it alone when it seems like everyone else is going along.
and now you know,
(sic) Paul Harvey.
the rest of the story.
Actually you don't.
Will you chance it?
I am scared to death and I am chancing it.
and that is life according to Mike.
