it doesn't fit anywhere else exactly, so its here then.
It begins like this-
“Don’t worry, Honey, I’ll be back in an hour.”
Or
“4:00, yes Mom, I’ll be on time.”
Or
“Okay Linda, I’ll meet you at the plaza at 7:15. I’ll be
there so you don’t have to wait.”
To wait, to wait-
That is what happens to all the women we love- be it our
girlfriends, wives, mothers, sisters and so on. And they will wait for you;
because they love you, believe in you, and because they believe that you love
them too.
Now most women will wait all night or at least long enough
to feel ridiculous. Most women will believe that her man, brother, son, etc
will call at least; but by then it is already too late.
Lost. You have already lost. You have already thrown it all
away and what’s worse is that you don’t even know that you have lost. Might never.
Now you look at your situation- that being that you didn’t
do what you said you would- and maybe you realize you’re late or something/
someone reminds you about it.
Well, you may resent the fact that she expects you to be
there. After all, you deserve your time- your space, right? Wrong.
She is home, concerned about you. Worried if you are okay,
fretting about your safety. She will ask herself if she is at fault for your
absence. She will think that she has crowded you out, or that you don’t want to
be there. She might even think that she isn’t good enough, patient enough,
pretty enough, loving enough, and so on…
Who will answer her fears- only the silence and echoes.
Finally you realize that you have to go back and you think
that you must provide an alibi or reason for your absence; so, you invent a
story.
Now the story is the ultimate accomplishment of MANkind,
word or example from fathers to sons or friends to friends has passed the story
since time began. The story could be the truth- as far as you are concerned-
with embellishments. The story could be an elaboration of the truth or it could
be a good old-fashioned lie. There are other types of stories but most men have
little imaginations for them.
The story
is conceived usually with help from friends- who will also serve as witnesses
and alibi’s if the need arises. You will practice the story, making more
embellishments, elaboration’s, and details as you drive back to her. You will
trim the story down to rid yourself of the weak points into a concise, easily
repeatable story.
Women often call this story “The Big Lie.”
You think the story is great, so did your father and his
before him. The “success” of the story comes from the following:
1. It
provides a built-in excuses for future reference- in fact many men use the same
story more than once.
2. It
provides a means of misplacing guilt and blame. Many men feel better just by
telling it- especially to forums of other men.
3. Practice
makes perfect, so you tell it over and over again to your friends, who will
help you iron out the deficiencies in the plot.
4. It
provides leverage if you are late again and you will be- especially if your
story is based on work-related subjects.
5. The
story makes you the victim of happenstance or misfortune.
The story is great, “yep” it’s great- a work of sheer genius
on the part of men. Except when the story bites you back. What does that mean?
It means that most men get caught in their own lies.
Why?
First, most men change their stories and get caught in one
of the changes while repeating it. Second, only a few men are good poker
players or actors. And lastly, many men believe that women are gullible and at
least somewhat stupid.
Guess who looks stupid when the truth comes out?
So, you go back to the woman. Now most men will try to sneak
in undetected- in hopes of sleeping the night and approaching it in the
morning- wrongly believing that a woman will cool overnight.
Here’s hint- women don’t ever cool overnight. If there is
cooling down to be done, it is usually freezing by morning.
Not that many men succeed in sneaking in undetected. Most
men get caught in the door. Some men don’t get caught- lucky for them or rather
unlucky. What do you think women do in that silence before morning?
Finally the moment of “truth.” Whether it is the next
morning or that night, you tell your story.
Most women will let you tell it through the first time. At
this point men fall into different categories as to the deliverance of the
story. No man has ever proven which type of deliverance is most effective-, as
it matters what kind of woman you tell it too- as the survivors will attest.
What works on one woman may not work on another.
Anyway here are the types of deliverance:
·
Type I. Men who tell their story through once
and wait for the results.
·
Type II. Men who tell their story and then try
to blow it off.
·
Type III Men who tell their story and fervently
hope it goes unquestioned.
·
Type IV. Men who tell their story, but feel that
they let something out, so they tell it again in hopes of catching the error,
thereby covering their “ass.”
·
Type V. Men who tell their story and repeat it
adding more detail and seeing how far they can push their luck. Testing the
waters for future stories.
·
Type VI. Men, who tell their story, wait to get
mad and then walkout before getting caught.
·
Type VII. Men who wait to be questioned and then
tell their story in the form of answers.
·
Type VIII. Men, who having told their stories,
go back on them and confess when questioned or out of fear of being so.
·
Type IX. Men who don’t care to tell their story
or tell it and don’t care about getting caught.
I am sure there are other types of deliverances, but they
are uncommon and often unapproachable. Men will use time-honored weapons while
telling their stories- mixing them in to add flavor, sympathy and hopes of
forgiveness from women.
You will add, interject or say:
·
“______ (Name of woman or pet-name), I’m sorry.”
·
“I guess I really screwed up.” guess being
optional.
·
“I’m a loser.” This is an instant sympathy
weapon.
·
“Can you ever forgive me?” Some men actually
mean it.
·
“I love you.” Most used and powerful in arsenal.
·
“This is the last time.” Everyone who believes
that stand on your ear!
And occasionally –if the situation warrants:
·
“Well, it wasn’t my fault.”
·
“I would have called but- (insert excuse here,
like “I was afraid to wake you up.”)
·
Just blame it all on your friends.
Some women actually believe this crap, some women will make
themselves believe it, and some women will try to understand why you feel that
you must explain it.
These women will not only take it the first, but the second
and the third time.
Some women will trap you in your story.
Some women will nod and say nothing.
Some women will cry.
Some women will be angry.
Some women will be furious and verbal and loud.
Some women will laugh.
Some women will vow never to forgive you- but usually do.
Some women will just sigh and shake their heads.
Most women will let it pass; hoping that it will not become
habit.
All women will feel humiliation.
Most women will make peace one way or another for the sake
of love, children or the relationship and its security.
Lost, I had said that you had lost at the moment when you
did not keep the engagement, commitment, or date. In the real world- if you do
this with a doctor or therapist- they probably will be reluctant to reschedule
you and might even charge you. If you do it with your job- you probably will
not have one for long. But in a relationship, leeway is affordable though much
more painful. Not only have you let her down, but also you have hurt her
feelings by letting doubt and fear speak your absence. Not only have you told a
lie, but also shamed her to her face with it. Now, in order, to forgive you she
must make a sacrifice to believe you or your promises.
So, each time you don’t keep your word or commitment, you
destroy a little piece of her as well as your relationship. You destroy a piece
of her self-esteem with every shame and you can destroy her altogether.
I, as a man, never realized this until now.
No idea of the pain, no suspicion of the shame, no
understanding of the humiliation that our actions cause to the ones we love.
No appreciation of what it means to be prompt, considerate
and honest with the people that you are most likely to lie to.
Men often consider honor to be their special quality and yet
this is a most dishonorable act. It is odd but true that we hurt the ones we
love the most.
Therefore, I vow to reform my ways, apologizing my actions
to the women I have loved and let down.
