Back to the Dentist

it's been 4 long  months but I have finally gone back to the Dentist. Why for the love of Mike, do I have to have a dentist with a good memory?
He's not one to forgive apparently either. You use one little teensy weensy adjective and BAM! he brings it up every time he sees you. (secretly suspect he likes the word more than he's letting on).
On  the other hand,  if I had to work in a place where the misuse of the English language was so highly rated by the Gorgeous/Charming/highly-skilled/yet easily distracted employees of Doctor D, I can hardly blame him.
Today's Score:
1) Smarmy is an adjective not a NOUN.  You can't be a Smarmy, you can be smarmy. (not to be confused with Swami-  which by all means  you can be anytime the need takes hold (Halloween is tomorrow- you can be a Smarmy Swami!)
2) Often. it's pronounced "offen" not ofT-Ten. to saps like me it sounds like you are saying "You are OFF TEN mistaken about yellow instruments." Instead of you are often mistaken about yellow instruments. (just saying)
3) You lay down those aforementioned yellow instruments (preferably before you jab me in the eye before bringing it up). You cannot lie them down. (By the way you have very beautiful eyes.)
4) I really need to get appointments when the  local supply rep is NOT IN TOWN. My tooth cleaning was interrupted several times by such challenges as tropical fruit, cherry, cinnamon and wintergreen. I prefer purple instruments of torture over yellow instruments of torture (I meant cleaning- seriously I meant cleaning) just lay the sand  blaster down beautiful but angry Dental Hygienist.
5)  when you have both hands in my mouth, I really don't need to hear things like: "I am not sure how I am going to get in there-" or "this is going to be hard to reach."
6) when you have a sharp instrument in my mouth don't ask about a trip from 8 months ago- and expect anything more the disembodied grunting.
AND
7) We went over the pustulous vein in my mouth the last time I was here, and the time  before that, and  the time before that and that time I asked you if it was a "blocked taste bud" and you said NO- who in the heck told you that (I suspect that you didn't actually say heck). And  I said this oral surgeon @ Fort Sanders. And you said (well you get the point...  if there was a point..

Things I am thankful for:
1) another toothbrush (makes great Christmas presents- especially since the overall dental health of my family and friends makes "Sanggle tooth" sound  like a desirable  nickname.
2) another day in the sun with very well cleaned if not very  sore teeth and gums
3) not crying in the dental chair like that other time (you know the one where we agreed never to bring it up again.)
4) not having to pay up front. (since I doubt you accept lose change and stray dogs)
5) asking about my mother (EVERYBODY ASKS ABOUT MY MOTHER) Why  should you  be  any different
6) not making me wait long in the lobby. Last time I was there I had to sit through the most INANE conversation ever between a mother and  her 2 teenage kids and "husband(?)" who came in to join  them. It was one of those I wish I were on Mars during  a wind storm would be better than this moments that we treasure when we are old.
and 
7) just because I needed it to be seven  and to  tell you that I don't really think my Dentist  is smarmy- no if fact he is just a simple motor-cycle riding,  plane flying, well dressed, super hygienic, very  knowledgeable, vocal individual who wears scrubs but is surprisingly consistent at dentistry. 

yeah  that's it.
I  am dedicating this song in honor  of my Dentist. Doctor DS!   DDS Blues  <<<< click it)
and while you  listen to this special song here is some visual help!

yes she's either thinking "Purple or yellow?"  or "at  least  he's  handsome."

This is the kind  of Dentist who would at least look as Scary as he seems. (9 yards)

I think Jerry lived to regret making Jokes about his dentist. (Seinfeld)

imagine how you tongue feels about you dentist  (Willie Wonka)

make sure you see the abject terror in the reflection (The Dentist- is it a RomCom? nope it's horror.)

It's a good thing that most dentist have nicer assistants then this comedy dou

If my Doctor DS, wore  this I would feel better or have nightmares or both

this makes me think of my Dental Hygienist, except she's brunette and has more tools 

Gervais is not the person I would trust with anything sharper than a toothbrush

Mandvi is also a Daily Show reporter (keep that in mind before you let  him put a finger inside your mouth)

Invention of Lying. No it's not from that movie, but I think it would have been more appropriate (Ghost Town)

Chuck (who  in the Heck thought that DANE COOK  could be a dentist) is  a  "dentist"  who gets laid a lot.

"laid" in this sense is slang and seldom means lying down. (Good Luck Chuck- this one decent thing DC has done that didn't involve public apologies or community service.

Quintessential image. If you need that explain go ask Doctor DS and he will inject it into you psyche. (Unless your name is Horton- than a hearing doctor may be a better bet) 

I feel like running down the street yelling "I Knew it! I knew it!"  except I didn't and ironically this is one of the only 3 of these Dentist movies TV shows I haven't seen yet. (weird that you would suddenly know you had a new genre on your hands).

Sam Waterston as  a dentist is only slightly less scary than him as a defense  lawyer. Unless you know what movie  this is taken from then you should be afraid 

and finally a man who should have never been allowed around power tools, any power tools.

And THAT

is life according  to Mike