On being an Education Assistant Substitute in a Middle School.

 I could have called this one. How I learned what being invisible is like to the Teachers I was supposedly helping including the Special Ed Manager who barely acknowledged my existence.

When the teacher in the fourth period asked me to read a whole sentence on a test and then stopped me all without even attempting to say my name, I was visibly shocked. I pointed at myself, somewhat dumbly, to clarify that she, unlike 3 out of the other 4 teachers who actually bother to ask me my name, wanted my help.

I should note that I am wearing a name tag this whole time.

At the beginning of the day, the office staff hands me a sheet of paper, that has a schedule with times and names and no labels or explanations on it. There are no directions, room numbers or even when lunch is on it. I am then sent to Mz. Wiz's (that's the name I am giving her) classroom. I assume that I will receive instructions.

Mz. Whiz is friendly, explains nothing about what I am doing, and then sends me on my way to first period.

Teacher number 2, Mr. Hobby greets me, points to a desk, and then ignores my existence until I ask if he minds if I eat breakfast. He nods and walks into the hallway where he remains until class starts.
He never acknowledges my existence until the class is over.

We start the class with a semi-fire drill. I am given no instruction. so I just watch the procession of odd logic: here is a fire alarm that is not loud but will speak to you if you listen and then the teacher leads the students into the hallway and out of sight.

They soon return. We then go over Circles
I soon realize we are doing psychology and not math (hint no mention of Pi)
Mr. Hobby starts talking about True North by totally not accurately describing it. 
I am confused. There is a power point with slides that do not reveal True North either save that it might be a meditative trance/state. (this to 6th graders)
if any of these kids have a clue, I'd be surprised. 
next, we did something called "check-in" and I realized they are doing the circle (and I felt like I was back in the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)
Mz. Wiz reappeared, looked embarrassed, or smiled at me? but then left with a student who might have been on the sheet I was given. She later returned and collected another student who I asked the math teacher about (who continued to ignore me)

Then they all sang Koombyah and started Math class (okay, no one sang Koombyah).

Math problem. 

A Pet store has 25 black kittens and twenty-two white kittens. Over the weekend they sell 16 kittens. How many kittens do they have left?

Solve using the K N O W S method.
that's
K- Know what the problem is
N- What you need 
O- Operation- what is your strategy
W- Work/show your problem 
S- Solve the problem

No order of operations is mentioned. The teacher forgets to include work.
the answer is (25+22) -16 +31

no cares how many white or black kittens are left unsold, they move on. I feel unfulfilled.

2nd period, I am about to introduce myself to the teacher when she suggests I sit at the back.

I dutifully take my place to watch Ms. Teacher of the Year, she has a trophy on the windowsill.

She starts with a powerpoint slide in which she proudly announces the the "Fist Grades" have been posted.
I am sure someone will ask or point it out.
Then I am sure, she will say it. 
No, she walks back and forth in front of the slide talking about the First Grades that we posted.

I decide to leave a note in her affirmation book point it out.

The second thing that hits me is that kids now can check on their grades at any time. I wonder how I would have done in school had I known these things. I mean high school. 

I went to middle school in the dark ages with torture devices and instructors who were turned down by the Spanish Inquisition for being too cruel.

I only had 3 weeks of social studies in my school career. 

These kids are learning about maps. different kinds of maps. 

Ms TOYr explains weather maps. Precipitation is rain, snow, mist, (makes weird magic fingers gesture) stuff. The jetstream gets no love.

She keeps calling topographic maps as Toup-a-graphic and now I wonder if I have called them the wrong name my whole life.

Politcial maps have lots and lots of colours like green, brown, gray and orange but bland orange (we do live in TN go big brialliant orange after all)

It occurs to me road maps only look impressive in the USA since we have so many types of roads, also so, so, many roads.

She shows a strange video cartoon about lattitude and longtitude that might as well be science fiction... since there is a malfunctioning robot and a guy in the arctic looking for a place in California and the guy uses GPS to explain in (very) brief terms how latitude and longitude work. The robot is no help at all.

We do learn (I mean it is told to us) that Latitude and Longitude are imaginiary lines, and we call it longitude because the north-south sorry up and down lines are long. She never explains what makes Latitude lateral...

She does mention GPS and explains that it is Global Positioning System but not how or why it is used. She mentions that Greenich is zero but nothing about time save that Longtidude in measured in minutes and you can find anyone using the two measurements.

Pilots and Ships will be happy to know their secrets remain safe, though.

Mz. Whiz reappears to collect students and studiously ignores me. I am concerned I have offended her with my mere presence.

I figured out where my next classroom is by dumb luck. I think it's reading (there are some books in there- nothing on the walls)
Ms. Friendly is nice, she does ask me where I'd like to sit, I choose a table at the back. She ask if I will stay in the classroom while they take a bathroom break, she struggles with my name, I tell her to call me Mr. V. She does so once.

I talk to 3 students about the books they are reading. one is reading about the holocaust and the other the Magician's Nephew. I get excited.
Turns out, both of them have just started and the class basically gets interrupted by lunch and Ms. Friendly spends the whole class talking about the most convuluted mess of apps to teach a "Lit class?" (still not sure that's what it was) via 3 websites, 4 pages, links that serve no purporse but have something vaguely to do with Harry Potter (in the most boring way imagineable) and the only thing we actually see is a word puzzle that results in the phrase "My Brain is a muscle"

I hope this is not science class.

4th period. Ms. "I can't pronounce her name and No one, not even the teacher told me either" science class

We have that test where I am asked to do that one thing.

then we have the actual fire drill. No one tells me what to do. I do decide to go outside. The teachers and students go to the far side of the parking lot. I give out at the parking lot and find a pole to lean against until we go back in.

Ms. Whatsit singles out a student- asks her name and then proceeds to missay it, and mispronounce it, for the rest of the class. She's nice about it. 

For the rest of the class, Ms. Whatsit shows youtube videos (with ads) describing things like scales with little to no real explanation as to why or how they work. I give up and go to check my school email and sub app.

The highlight happens when youtube autoplays something that Ms. Whatsit just barely catches in time before disaster strikes. 

Rule of thumb, never use autoplay on youtube in public. Unless you are prepared. No one ever it.

I get directions to 5th period, and hike there only to be told by Ms. Alt Arts that she doesn't need me and could I go away. I ask where "away" is and end up in the "Teacher's lounge" (which is anything but a lounge) and here I sit typing this blog. 

I know teachers are busy and overwhelmed but no one, and I mean no one even bother to explain what I am supposed to be doing, who I am supposed to be doing it with or why I am not following any of the instructions on the peice of paper the office gave me. 

I am not sure if I should go find Ms. Next's classroom for last period since my instructions read float.

or just sit here in the workroom until someone notices my absence (which I doubt) and I just go home.

So, what does this mean?

I really have no clue, but I won't sign up to do it again. I wasted the day. I mean i will get paid something for it. I just hate ignorance and no one to talk to about it.

It's very frustrating, well it would be if I didn't feel the semi-hysterical need to laugh about the absurdity of being invisible (I am a huge guy- unlikely to be missed)

Now that I think about it, I did accidentally creep up on Mz. Whiz last week on another sub assignment and scare the bejeezers out of her.

I am a big guy but I can move like a ninja sometimes.

So, My Dog Died...

So, My Dog died. Her name was Myrtle. She was a Pembroke Corgis that Mom bought from a couple who insisted on meeting us at a Walmart in Rutledge. It was obvious that we weren't being told the truth. I told Mom to get Myrtle anyway.
The couple came clean, later and admitted that Myrtle was a rescue. It was obvious from the time I got her home she had been abused. She would flinched at any sudden movement and a raised voice would send her running for cover. She had a lot of emotional issues.

We had her for about 6 years. I owned her on my own for little more than a year.

 

She was a beautiful dog. Damaged but in the end she loved me as much as she could. It killed me to put her down. I did it for her, I did not want to live in any more fear or pain. 

I wrote this for Myrtle.

My dog has died.
I watched her slip away into sleep
released from the pains of this world
after all the tears we cried
her asleep at my bedside
how I tried to reassure her fears
over the few years
each time it stormed
our comfort conformed

Perhaps we don't really own dogs as much as we agree to share the world with them. I like to think so. Myrtle gave more to me than I feel like I gave to her. Now she's gone and I would be totally crushed if it weren't for Sophie. Sophie is also a Corgi and thank God is healthy and hardy.

 Sophie is a retired breeder from Corgi Farm in Middle Tennessee. I love her and she has quickly filled the hole that Myrtle left. We spend all day together, wherever I go, she follows and I've made her several beds so she can be comfortable until we move again. 

Still, the pain of losing Myrtle seems to hard to bear.
I shall sleep then, promises to keep. I hope that Myrtle will live on the wolf dream that I believe all dogs have as they all descended from wolves...

except for Chilwowas (they're just grown-up rats)
(kidding)

don't bite me.

Some Good News from 2021

•  The latest data on AIDS (you remember, the other global pandemic) revealed there were1.5 million new HIV infections last year, a decline of 30% since 2010, and the lowest total number since 1990.
• One of the four major flu viruses that circulate in humans looks like it might have gone extinct this year thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic. The Yamagata virus has not been detected since April 2020 anywhere in the world. Together with the Victoria flu virus, it used to be responsible for somewhere between 290,000 and 650,000 deaths every year.
•  The WHO approved a long awaited malaria vaccine, revitalizing the fight against one of humanity’s oldest foes, as well as a new polio vaccine, which was rolled out to over 80 million children in Africa. Other achievements included the introduction of a licensed Ebola vaccine and the launch of a landmark new global plan to tackle meningitis. Liberia became the first African country to introduce the typhoid conjugate vaccine, which was given to over two million children in just weeks, and a new study revealed that the HPV vaccine has reduced cases of cervical cancer in England by nearly 90% since 2008, with over 100 countries now using it as part of a global plan to eliminate the disease.
• China successfully eliminated malaria this year (it used to have 30 million cases a year in the 1940s), as did El Salvador, the first country in Central America. Globally, 40 countries have now achieved this milestone. Côte d’Ivoire became the second African country to eliminate sleeping sickness, and The Gambia became the third African country to eliminate trachoma, an amazing achievement given that in the 1980s it was responsible for almost 1 in 5 of the country’s cases of blindness.
•  Ecologists reported that the Mississippi River is the cleanest it’s been in more than a century, with pollution down to 1% of what it was in the 1980s, while the most comprehensive survey of the Thames in 60 years found that the river, once declared biologically dead, is now “home to myriad wildlife as diverse as London itself.” The biggest river success story however, came from China, which passed a landmark environmental law protecting the Yangtze, one of the country’s two ‘mother rivers,’ banning all industrial projects, sand mining and all fishing, including in tributaries and the estuary (more than 400 million people live in the Yangtze basin).
• A comprehensive plastic ban went into effect in China in January, including items like straws, utensils, nondegradable bags and postal or courier packages, and in July, the EU banned single-use plastic plates, cutlery, straws, balloon sticks and cotton buds. India announced a ban on a long list of single plastics effective July 2022, the Maldives kicked off the first phase of a plan to completely eliminate single plastics by 2023, and New Zealand announced that single-use plastics would be phased out by 2025, with bans on cotton buds, packaging, cutlery, straws, and fruit labels beginning next year.
•  In July, four women in South Africa successfully overturned a set of apartheid-era marriage laws, giving around 400,000 elderly black women equal access to matrimonial property, and Uttarakhand became the first state in India to grant women co-ownership of land, in a landmark amendment that affected 350,000 girls and women overnight.
•  A new report on cluster munitions revealed that more than 110,000 landmines covering 135 km² were destroyed globally last year, a new annual record, and that over a million landmines have been cleared in the last decade.
• Incarceration rates in the United States fell to a 24 year low in 2019, plummeted a further 14% in 2020, to 1.81 million people, and then fell again in 2021, to 1.77 million. There are now half a million fewer people in prison in America compared to 13 years ago, and empty prisons are being repurposed into homeless shelters, educational farms, and even movie studios. These changes are due to incredible, uncelebrated activism, and largely unheralded changes in criminal laws, sentencing patterns and a decline in violent crimes.

New Year's Resolutions are a good idea but a bad habit

 MAKING NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS ARE HABITUALLY BROKEN!

There, I said it.

We set goals often realistically unattainable motivated by our guilt such as:

• Lose X amount of body weight by Y amount of Time (usually a month) and result is Z (failure within set time period resulting in a X(Y+Z) equation where the scale initially went down by A and now increases by B. Who ever told you that you'd never use Algebra lied. 
• Go to the Gym (I don't even need to tell you how the depreciation of averages versus monthly contracts and membership bills accumulate on this sum! Maths, use 'em if you got them, but I will say that I like to call this the Rush/Gold's/National Gamble. They offer you a sweet deal on your first free visit and hum through that cancellation paperwork to see if you are gullible enough to sign up (Free Money!).
• Eat Healthier/Better. Cut those evil carbs. Avoid those Sugary Startches. Dodge those Fatty Fats. Give up all the goodness in Food and eat flat tasteless chicken with some yummy dried out veggies that are mostly green and SMILE while you endure such torture for you heart, kidney, liver, etc. You know how this ends in a pile of french fries and frosty cups with a Big Mac in one hand and a roll of cookie dough in the other surrounded by the detriment of your intentions.
• See your family more. Even if you hate them- I mean you "love" them because everyone keeps telling you that you have to love them but you really don't like them at all.

Anyway you get the point.

So in light of this revelation. I intend to set attainable realistic goals this year.

Sorry World Peace.

My 2022 Resolutions

1. Maker 7. Launch my 3D printing business with the goal of paying for filament stock and eventually a 3D scanned. Making it rich with this in not in my immediate plans.
2. SevenTech Sales. This is my eBay business. I had hoped it would become a storefront on Facebook but that failed. Alibris as well. So, my goal is to keep it going full steam as it is what is paying my bills right now.
3. Get back into writing my fiction and non-fiction. This is a matter of writing discipline that I have so far lacked being able to do with my focus constantly being pulled away by other concerns.
4. Continue to get healthier. I just passed a milestone with my legs (I had Stasis Ulcers and leakage). I have finally healed to 90% and hopefully will hit a 100% soon.
5. Making better Diet choices. I have lost weight again. This time feels more real as I have eliminated much of the foods that had contributed to weight gain, not so much by quitting them as no longer desiring them. I have all but given up soft drinks and the like. My tastes are for water and sparkling water (some minor flavoring). I might drink some coffee and tea but not daily.
6. Continue working with the Nutrionist (I have been doing this consistently for the last 5 months). Again its not so much about quitting certain foods as it is more about balancing my diet. It helps a lot that I no longer desire the fatty, starchy, salty, sugary foods I once did. It doesn't stop me from eating a donut or candy bar but I have little desire to consume them. I have gotten past grazing snacking and I have reached a point where I have to remind myself to eat instead of impatiently waiting for the next mealtime.
7. Getting Exercise. Gone are the dreams of weightlifting at a Gym. I hope my Neice's Husband will give me access to his gym when I am ready to make that my next step. Covid and quarantine wiped out all the progress I had made nevermind my leg problems contributing as well. I now must develop new disciplines to get moderate exercise.
8.  Socialize. Which still seems dangerous in this pandemic that just keeps going despite the willful ignorance of my fellow Americans. Going to work on this harder and try something like a Zoom friendship failing everything else.
   
9. Get more consistent sleep. It's important.
10. Learn to love my leaky old house. Home Ownership is a blast. everyone should do it!

And that's them.

I wish you all a Good Year in which you buy most of my goods and make me richer.

Merry Christmas to Everyone even if your not a Christian.

 Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas

(also make sure it is really yours, if it isn't return it to whomever you took it from, you know who you are, Someone is looking for their Christmas right now and wondering where it went, it was right there last night but now its missing)

May is be warm and bright. 

(unless you are in the desert, then maybe it could manage to snow just a tad, heck a cloud right now could be a Christmas miracle)

May your gift exchange be filled with thank yous, love yous and cheerful laughter

(instead of tears of shredded paper, cries of disappointment that they didn't get the keys to the Porsche that mysterious is parked outside which actually belongs to your cousin Frank who is waiting for a convenient moment to surprise you, he's going to give you at least another hour before he rings your doorbell.)

May your Dinner be cooked to perfection and well received.

(that way even the fire department can not see you again this Christmas... like last year and they will be relieved) 

But above all, remember that it is not the gifts, nor family, nor dinner that you labored for weeks and hours on end to deliver this moment of perfection. 

No it was all so we could keep the message as told by Shepherds in a field some 2000+ years ago that some "Angels" told them to rejoice in the middle of the night because a kid was born that would make the world a better place and not the commercially driven mess that it did become.

I mean. Peace on Earth and Goodwill to men...

(this is why no one invites me over for Christmas Dinner anymore.)

Love you all.

Especiallymy other friends who are celebrating a more sane version of this time of year (Yuletide and Kwannza and the Seinfeld thing to you too!)

Thoughts on a Monday in November of 2021

 My mother is dead. I struggle with it each day.
Some days, I even managed to see a way through the present crisis to find hope that I will be okay. Others I just stay in bed most of the day.

I knew that I was going to miss/mourn her more than anyone else in my life.
I know I will miss my brother more, should I outlive him.

I dream about her less and less. They're weird, waking dreams tied into my struggles with her house, my house, the repairs & renovations that I am making. Tomorrow, I have to find someone to repair the ductwork at an affordable rate. I know I will dream about that tonight.

I have never had medical problems until now. Over the last year and a half, I have had more issues, seemingly incurable at times than ever before in my life. I cope with them but I am not afraid of the situation. I fear diabetes more than anything. The rest I can live with.

I miss working out more than anything. I know now how to work out but still can't do want I want to do. I will return to weight training one day, but I know now that core building is more important than the other stuff.

I am tempted to try online dating again. I give up on that regularly, this time it will cost me. So, I am going to wait to see if the ductwork will be affordable. If it is, I am going to gamble on it, one more time.

Ironically for someone who loves food, I find myself less interested in eating than ever before. It might be age, it might be mourning my mother, but I have largely lost my sweet tooth. I suspect it will only be a matter of time before I left sweets and treats behind. I suspect I won't miss them either.

I am hoping that I am finding my ability to write again. I have largely stopped it. I am easily distracted by other things. So I find myself writing this here late at night, early on a Monday morning.

I have lost my faith.
I don't think I believe in God in the same way anymore. I don't know if I believe or ever believed that prayer works/ed. I stopped going to church. The pandemic played its part, mom's loss of faith affected it. I went back briefly before the medical problems started to play havoc with my sleep schedule and the depression and grief took away my desire for it.
I would like to believe in God and I still am going to live a Christian life, but Church is not really that relevant anymore.

I am going to call myself an Agnostic for the first time in my life.
I just don't know anymore.
Part of me wants to believe Mom is in Heaven
Part of me wants to believe My Sister is there with her
Part of me wants Mom's wish of reunion with her parents and family to be trrue.
Part of me thinks it's a nice story, because it doesn't give me any comfort.

It's what separates me from many Christians and other similar believers.
I am Christian (or was) because it's the right way to live. I never really cared about Heaven or Heavenly reward. Now, I no longer believe that Jesus is coming back. I mean I still want to believe in it, but I just don't anymore.

Nothingness no longer scares me. I feared death for most of my life because of that nothingness, but now I'd welcome the peace it would bring.

that's it for Monday morning.

She haunts my dreams

    This year has been so hard on so many people. I would not complain.
That being said.

My Mother haunts my dreams.

    Oddly, she is often non-vocal, merely content to wander through the dream her ghost has created in my mind leaving me to unravel the meaning of it all. By the time, I begin to unravel it all, I suddenly need to pee in the dream only to discover that the dream doesn't allow for actual peeing.

    This is my body trying to wake me up. This is normally hard enough, but I sleep with a BiPap ASV so it's like waking the dead. By the time, I surface, the original dream is a distant memory and I wake with a sense of loss, confusion, and the now desperate urge to go find open water.

The dream is almost always the same.

Mom is living in a new house (It's a recurring event since the divorce).

    I was seventeen, the divorce was underway. I was the last person to be told in our family unit. My mother used my brother and me against our father as a nuclear option. We all died that night, in different ways. Looking back, I hate her for what she believed that she must do, for her lack of understanding as my brother then me begged my father, who was a million miles away in South Africa from the new Condo in Knoxville, TN USA. But I also understand that Mom was facing the oblivion of being ALONE and having to raise me on her own.

She would move one more time after that, to Luttrell, to the house I now own.

In my dreams, she moves often, to yet another version of a house that is unstable or flawed. Dozens of dreams later, I find myself invited to my mother's townhouse where she now lives with her fiance who is half my age (as I find out) and what is more, my sister is now living with her new boyfriend across the hall from mom.

    Both of these women are dead.

Mom died in January. the date and time is burned into my brain

My sister died in June.

Mom was 89. My sister was 73. I am 52.

Thoughts on the Turning Aways in my life and the times

On the turning away, when our generation once looked away to distractions of our youths 

because it was easier to occupy our coming awareness with collective fantasies

than to face the budding awareness that change was indeed possible as the winds turned again in human history

whilst I perfected my D&D skills AIDS took quietly took away two of my favorite men

their lifestyles were blamed, then the sexuality then drugs then music, and then when the was nothing else to tell but the truth my father denied who or what my uncle even had been all his life, and my religion stripped away even his own soul in favor of pleasing my mother and his own mother as well.

And Freddy?

He died with cautious dignity as I stopped turning away from the reality that denial is the single hardest thing to overcome, AIDS was real, while everyone around me was fucking to their heart's content, I did not.

Now to see it today, happening all again, I see my family and friends refusing to face a reality that endangers the weak, the elderly, and our children. It has killed so many people many of whom had no clue what they did or didn't do and yet as surely as the TV evangelists who screamed at the cameras of old that this was God's punishment to the sinful

They are replaced by Media Moguls who scream the same from the anchor desks and microphones.

Ironically, I find myself at odds with why God would put up with such idiocy that I can almost accept that He really sent those plagues upon the sinful in the good old biblical days of myth.

I mean the Egyptians had it coming.

The Pharoah was fine of course, in his golden palace.

but the average working-class guy was screwed because yet another angry, vengeful deity had a point to prove according to this guy Moses.

I no longer believe in that god. I no longer wish such blind punishments upon the helpless masses with the electronic diety held firmly in their hands worshipped daily as they spend almost as much time staring at their own turning aways as I did in my youth

On loss and loneliness

 I lost my mother, Saturday night, January 16th, 2021.
She was on morphine and a little out of it. I sat with her as she took her last conscious breaths. I told her I loved her and forgave her. I asked her to forgive me and she looked at me with a sense of sadness and told me she loved me too and that she forgave me for all I had had to put her through. She went to sleep not long afterward. She never woke up after that. She lapsed into a coma and died Sunday evening. She was 89 years old.

I had spent most of my life with her. She was my best friend and often my enemy. She was my mother, therapist, and often my employer. She left me a broken shell of everything I assumed I had been. I found new life in her passing and her home became my own. I made all the right decisions. I mourned her passing in great gasps of agony. I often cried so hard that I had to stop what I was doing, driving, and just give in to the terrible sadness. I had lived alone since then. 

It feels like years now. It has been barely 5 months.

Tonight, July 12th, 2021. I tried to sleep and failed yet again. I cry now, not just for my mother but also for my sister, who followed her mother in death less than a month ago. I didn't know my sister as well as I should have but we shared a bond and a familiarity that I have not had with anyone else. this morning, 3:41am, I miss them both and listening to Pink Floyd, "The Turning Away."

I always knew that Mom's death would be the hardest thing I would ever have to deal with.

I have known pain and loss and loneliness.

What I knew before this was like a watercolor and now I am painting with oils. The watercolor is real unto itself, but it dries quickly and becomes a memory as fast. The oils take years to dry and the memory persists for a lifetime. I remember mom stopping, seemingly at random, and saying that day it had been 40 years since her mother had died. She had a memory for those details. Now I know that it was more than a memory of someone's passing, rather, it was a time to feel the pain of their loss.

My Christian friends speak of the happy reunion in heaven. My family too.
I envy their faith. I don't have it. It feels like a lie to me. It always has.

I want to believe that mom is there in the heaven that she so wanted to believe in. Friends and family are often quick to point this out to me, but they don't realize that is not the heaven I have ever believed in.

So, tonight (morning) I feel all the loss and the loneliness of not having anyone to tell this too.

If I had  a wish, I would meet a woman who would take away the loss and loneliness from me, even if just for a little bit so that I could sleep. Instead, I sit here in the dark typing this instead of finding that woman in my dreams instead.

I wrote this on Facebook but it's my blog now, Dammit.

 Okay here is my rant.

I am so tired of finding a youtuber who I like only to discover that they want to:

A. Criticize a documentary as if it is a feature film. Meaning that they equate it with a cult because the film is about minimalism. Ignore the filmmaker entirely so they can criticize the content. be critical of the cinematography because it feeds they diatribe about the way they feel about the subject matter and totally not explore how the film is being presented to get the art across. Goodbye Drew Gooden.

B. Talk about The Wall as if it was the best film ever made in the dullest presentation ever, Try to make a case for it but really want to criticize the Nostalgia Critic who made a parody/review of it several years ago. he's mad because Nostalgia Critic didn't bow down to the Art of the Film and worship at it's incredibility. Then I find out the youtuber used to work for the same production company as the Film Critic and got fired for various reasons and apparently blames the Nostalgia Critic (Doug Walker) for everything.

Goodbye Folding Ideas.

C. Idiots who criticize Cinema Sins for being to critical of every movie (even though the tagline of cinema sins is every movie has sins) and go on at length why CS is a garbage critic when I am not sure CS is really being a critic as much as a tongue in cheeky bastard about movies with logic gaps and such. This guy also hates Nostalgia Critic. 

Goodbye Whinny guy.

Things to note.

1. they are all guys (white guys)

2. I suspect they would not hjave any actual content without picking on their subject matter (although all of them did have some interesting videos since I did choose to subscribe to them for a reason I can no longer fathom).

3. I don't watch every video that Cinema Sins makes because I don't like when he nitpicks on my favorite movies.

and

4. Stanley Kubrick made 2001 and A Clockwork Orange. They are HIS films not the authors (which admittedly might not have been big fans) When I think of those movies, I don't think of the Author I think of Stanley Kubrick's vision. This goes for many other movies. including LOTR, Fight Club (whose Author loved it), Princess Bride, ETC.

rant over.

life with Google tech

google tech support for a smoke alarm/carbon monoxide detector called the Nest Protect:

me on twitter: Google Nest Protect lifespan 1 year 4 months. wifi fails Way to go @GoogleStore for being obtuse, unhelpful and making everything about the pixel phone instead.

google: Uh-oh! We're sorry if you feel that way, Michael — let's look into this for you. Could you tell us what happened to your Nest Protect unit?

me: when I re-setup the unit it goes through the motions then fails to connect to the "nest/network/account" and drops the setup back to the beginning. I googled fixing it with no luck

google: Gotcha. Could you DM us here so we can gather more details?

Made By Google@madebygoogle

Made to be helpful. Get the latest on: Google Pixel & Pixel Buds, Nest Audio, Nest Hub, Chromecast with Google TV, Nest Thermostat & more

me: details about the nest (tech details of the device with order number)

google: Thanks for the DM and for the details, Michael — to confirm, have you already reached out to our support team before? If so, could you provide us the case number from your previous interaction?

me: no, I have not been able to, your page defaults everything to pixel phone support

google: Understood. Have you tried rebooting your devices including your Wi-Fi router? Did your Nest Protect connect successfully before to your Wi-Fi network? If so, have you made any changes prior to this?

me: so I was on AT&T u-verse dsl and I switched several times until I landed on Verizon and an Asus router. I also had google wifi which I was largely dissatisfied with since it would be great on day and then the next be telling me to moving the mesh points before changing its mind and saying everything was great. So I sold the google wifi on eBay as it no longer was needed.

I then put my google minis and nest hubs on the asus wifi and they work fine, The nest also works fine on the router, it was only today that we had a power outage and I realized that the nest protect was offline. I then went through five attempts to bring it back online including reseting it after it would not simply recoonect. no I did not reboot my router as the wifi was working for everything else.

I finally removed it from the nest thermostat app and attempted to readd it about 4 times which failed after I setup the wifi. the protect would add the wifi and then test it and then say it was adding itself to the nest network and then after 5 minutes or so fail and I would have to start again. I switched around the nest, my phone and the protects wifi access and placed them next to each other and they still did not connect via the protect.

I have also run the manual system check on the nest protect and it said everything was fine.

save when I try to connect it to the wifi/nest network.

so I conclude its FUBAR.

google: Thanks for being a few steps ahead. Are you seeing any messages when trying to connect your Nest Protect to your Wi-Fi network? If so, could you send us a screenshot of it?

me: get back to you tomorrow after i get the thing off the wall again

google: Sure thing. You can get back to us whenever you're available. Our entire conversation is recorded so we can easily pick up from where we left off — keep us posted.

next day:

Google: Thanks for the screenshot. If you have a dual band router with both 2.4GHz and 5GHz bands, make sure they have different names so that you can correctly connect your Nest Protect to the 2.4 GHz network. Nest Protect can’t connect to a 5GHz network and may not be able to tell your networks apart.

me: yes, I know this and yes they have different names and yes, the nest and my phone are on the 2.4 ghz and it still won't connect

Google: Got it. We're sorry that you had to go through this — we also need to check your router’s firewall settings. Your firewall settings may be preventing Nest devices from connecting to the internet. You can try lowering these settings temporarily to see if your issue is resolved. Restore your firewall settings back to your preferred security level afterward. High firewall security or parental controls can block communication with Nest servers.

Let us know how it goes.

me: checked the firewall, not being blocked. I have 3 nest hubs, 6 smart bulbs and a nest thermostat, no firewall issues. Come on. either stand behind your product or don't stop wasting my time with this dodgeball game. the item is not working anymore, I regret buying the damn thing now.

Google: We understand how you feel — we didn't mean to disappoint you. Your Nest Protect requires IPv6 in order to be added to the Nest App. Could you check your router's documentation to confirm that your router supports this setting and for information on how you can enable it. Check this link for guide: https://bit.ly/3r29iNR

checked out guide (no help- had to ggogle it)

me: I have an asus rt-ac68u router and I enabled the ipv6 and the result is this

Google: Thanks for trying the provided step, Michael. Could you give these steps a go? 

1. Quit and restart the Nest app.

2. Restart your phone.

3. Make sure that the assisting product is awake and it is within distance.

4. Enable airplane mode, Bluetooth and Wi-Fi

5. Enable IPv6

6. Try using a different device for adding.

my response:

here is my answer.

oh hell no.

I am not doing that because that is stupid.

IPv6 is not going to fix it and my phone is not going to fix it nor is my cell signal.

this is dumb

I am finished.

either back up your tech or get lost.

I wasn't born yesterday, the next thing you are going to ask me to do is turn off the flourescent lights and unplug the microwave.

I've done this kind of tech support.

bottom line. If all the other google devices and nest devices work and this one doesn't, it's not the router or for pete's sake my cell phone. it's the f-ing nest protect!

later on twitter:

Google tech support.

it's can't be our product

it has to be your cell phone, your router, your ISP, the weather, the electronics signature of the atmosphere.

my respect for Google as a tech company is in the toilet along with their infuriating tech support.

I used to be traumatized by Nightmares

 When I was a child I would wake screaming incoherently from nightmares.

Today at 51 almost 52 years of age. I woke with a wordless scream from a nightmare in which I was trying to write down the information provided to me by my mother and her two sisters before my conscious mind realized they were all dead. I was making a list of names and what happened to them as the darkness took the information from my hands reducing it to mindless gibberish and bring back childhood and repressed memory of dread of chaos.

When I was still;l young and living at a place called Shady Dell Trail in an antebellum-style house in an old neighborhood of Knoxville. Where the urban myths were that some of the houses had once belonged to slave owners who tortured and killed their slaves. I lived in a corner room where I hoarded Oreos and milk and hid from the darkness and chaos that lingered and haunted the fringes of my mind.

My worst nightmare at the time (or at least as i remember it- I wasn't a writer yet) was of chaos. A Scribble of Madness that surrounded the idea of my angry mother who would point at me and my father having to slap me awake because I would come to, incoherently screaming in sheer terror.

My mtoehr loved me and provided me with literature, music, and a love of art.

I have no memories of her holding me, nor taking care of me when I was sick or when I would wake from nightmares.

Now my mother is dead and my father has lost his mind (or- at least, a good deal of it) There is no one to tell save my brother who in my childhood was sleeping in the basement a world away from me and right now I don't understand why he was down there. Perhaps he will be able to explain it to me when he wakes up.

It's 6am. I am seeking the comfort of Oreos and Milk as I have awakened to an empty house that belonged to my mother who is now dead and cannot share the secrets of a past that might be best forgotten if I could only stop remembering it in my dreams.

notes: In the dream, I painted a picture of someone who looked like Errol Flyn but according to my mother was actually her father. my grandfather of whom I have never met. In the dream, I was painting him with black oil paint from an old 35mm film canister which I held in my right hand whilst painting with my left. I would wet the brush with my lips. This might have a connection to a childhood story of my brother once feeding me wall paint in South Africa when I was three or four. 

Did that actually happen? My parents and Sister told the story a lot. Did I suffer some kjind of blood poisoning? Trauma once the adults realized that my brother had done this to me?

I painted his portrait onto the side of a brown or white paper bag. Somehow this was a Crux to the dream that would keep reality from realizing that I was changing the past or at least trying to.

it didn't work. 

I had watched a video about Terminator The Rise of the Machines which has a semi-eligible plot about how you cannot change the past...? It's a terrible movie.

Once, I was presented via Facebook with the hypothetical RESET Button MEME.

Most people commented about how they desired somekind of Reset to their lives.

I declared to all (including those who weren't on Facebook)  that I would slap that button silly.

This morning, I still would.

A Eulogy for Bennie Frank.

  A Eulogy for Bennie Frank.

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

BY WILLIAM BUTLER YEATS

"I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,

And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;

Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey-bee,

And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,

Dropping from the veils of the morning to where the cricket sings;

There midnight’s all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,

And evening full of the linnet’s wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;

While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,

I hear it in the deep heart’s core."

For the last few years until the night, Mom left us, I would read poetry and the bible to her.

The last 2 years it was always the same 5 readings

Psalm 1, Psalm 4, Psalm 23, Philippians 1: 3-6, and Philippians 4-9. 

Philippians 1:3 was the verse that the late Beecher Clapp read to Mom about a year before he preceded her through the veil.

“I thank my God for every remembrance of you.” Mom would say it with me as a prayer for her friendship with Beecher. Today and every day I thank God for the last 22 years I spent with my mother and the memories of her I will have.

Mom’s Christianity was central to her life and was never something she tucked away, she told those she deemed worthy of it but professed the rest by quiet example.  She was not perfect, but her life was a testament to clean and simple living.

She had her faults- but they were not what anyone remembered about her. No, what people remember about Mom was that she always had so much to give to others. She gave a lot in her life, 2 schools, 40 years of teaching and educational programs and lastly the preservation of knowledge and memory. She, also, to the very end refused to take sole credit for any of it. She would tell you that Earl or Sue or her daughter or even me had as much to do with it as anything she had done. The truth of it was she had done much of it all already.

Mom loved that what she had started had continued without her/beyond her. This is the promise I made to her, that the Museum of Education would outlive her and hopefully all of us. I really cannot say enough of about the Museum.

What I want to share with all of you today are the words and things that mattered to my mother beyond the Museum.

One of the things that mattered most to Mom was Travel. For most of her adult life, she lived in perpetual motion. She proved then and right up until the end, was that she was going to travel the world until her feet would no longer take her there. 

We all know that she journeyed to many destinations. Many of us were dragged often by our ankles through some of the 50 states of this, the United States. Unfortunately, whilst I got to go on many of these adventures mom never got me back to Alaska. I have promised her that I would drive up there one day soon. She went to all the states, most of them more than once. She carried this book, Off the Beaten Path, as if to prove that Robert Frost was always right about such things.

Mom wrote this:

The Road Less Traveled

Ala Frost’s “The Road Not Taken”

I took the road less traveled each time there was a choice

I did the unexpected- I followed my own voices.

I lived my life in a different time frame-

My cart before the horses.

I created my own obstacles- but overcame the challenging course.

My choice of the road less traveled brought a lot of pride to me

I gloried in all I achieved and basked in the glow of others’ praises of me.

But looking back to the roads that diverged in the woods

and wonder what life might have been if I’d taken the other one

If I had pursued the road my schoolmates took right through university

Unburdened by failed romance and self-inflected adversity

A lovely child- born to a 16-year-old- who had to be a demanding priority

 

I might have found a soulmate that would have endured as my best friend

and added children and grandchildren in the right time frame

if I hadn’t missed the bend-

I might have had a love never altering that would have flourished to the very end

It isn’t that I regret my life or am consumed with bitterness

But the road I chose brought a lot of pain to other – and not just to me

My parent’s disappointment, the loves that ended in shambles- the “things that could not be”

Children brought into a world- reaping the choices that I made-

Uncompensated by my joy and fulfillment- indebted by entanglement that had to be paid.

At 79, the hand has writ and moved on- leaving me content-

With time to ponder on those roads and things that might have been.

Time passed on and she stopped traveling, her last trip would be our journey home to South Africa for the last time. For, Mom, she would be granted a closure that few people would get.

One of her favorite films, which she would watch 3 times the last year she lived, the last of which would be from her bed, was Out of Africa. Africa and the people there, all of them, the good and the bad were her chosen people. Dennis would become the spirit of adventure that would lead her to many incredible places in my homeland.

When we came back she had me read this poem to her.

So We'll Go No More a Roving

BY LORD BYRON (GEORGE GORDON)

So, we'll go no more a roving

   So late into the night,

Though the heart be still as loving,

   And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath,

   And the soul wears out the breast,

And the heart must pause to breathe,

   And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,

   And the day returns too soon,

Yet we'll go no more a roving

   By the light of the moon.

At the time, I would not appreciate what all that it meant to her and now later to me. Today, I finally understand what she was trying to tell me: her sword had outworn its sheath and her soul her breast. 

She would had me type this poem for her:

I’ll go no more a roving

My Roving days are past

At least I have my memories as long as memories last.

Although there is still some yearning

The wanderlust is not entirely dead

But my steps have grown to feeble

I need to be supported- I cannot surge ahead

Even my spirit has grown weary

Time itself has robbed me of the strength and zeal.

So, no more solo adventures, neither east or west

But there is a lot of contentment with memories and my well feather nest

Knowing that I never missed a chance- I grabbed every one-

the big ones and the small.

To see all of the world that God has made and marvel at it all.

It would be the perfect way to sum it up. Her days of the open road.

Sea Fever

BY JOHN MASEFIELD

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,

And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by;

And the wheel’s kick and the wind’s song and the white sail’s shaking,

And a grey mist on the sea’s face, and a grey dawn breaking.

(sic)...

And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover,

And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick’s over.

Mom loved all of us, although she often had a hard time showing it to more than one of us at a time. She was always ready to help any one of us albeit one hand on the money and the other upon the rod of admonishment. 

One of us was almost always out of favor whilst the other would be showered with praise and love.

She, did, however, never give up on any of us or our loved ones. Some of them DID get more forgiveness than others, sometimes, Mom would be quick to judge and slow to forgive, but even our spouses, girlfriends and boyfriends would often find a surprise ally whilst the rest of us would look on in stunned silence or bitter outrage that Mom was taking their side.

Mom love books, although, to my knowledge and memory there would only be a small handful that she read more than once. Of course, she had been blessed with a photographic memory.

Hamish Macbeth would prove to be one her favorite book series along with Tolkien and his Middle Earth stories. C.S. Lewis and the Chronicles of Narnia would see many returns to her bedside. In the end, her least favorite of the Chronicles would become her chosen read. The Horse and his Boy would capture that journey and companionship that Mom had wanted all her life.

As to the book she read more than any other, it would be the Bible KJV although we would read others, she always returned to it. The Truth would mean much to her until she finally felt that the Truth had changed to much and she stopped going. She had left the Truth before as she struggled with her own doubts. She would look at me and repeat her favorite worker quote from Sherman: “Search the scriptures to find out if this is true.”

Mom was a writer, this house is filled with her writing, much of it unread by most of us. I can promise that it will remain here to be read by anyone who wishes to know the life and thoughts of my Mother. Let me tell you that her reputation as a historian is well founded in her journals. There is 70 years of history in the pages of her journals and diaries. There is an autobiography that may one day be completed, never mind the unfinished books that she was always working on or rather had me working on.

Without music, I cannot continue, without the love of my family and friends I would no longer find the words to speak, without God I would lose the strength for what must come next. Living without Mom, without my best friend and lifetime advisor.

We did not see eye to eye much.

Much like Father William and his son in Elliot’s poem.

We grew stronger for our differences.

Her legacy will remain as her own words upon losing her mother.

“I knew there would be no place to go when it stormed.”

Let her home now be your home, a place to come when the world becomes to much and you need a place to go when the storms come.

Let this be our gathering place for our family from now on.

Mom wanted it to be.

I will close with one last poem and a prayer.

Under the wide and starry sky,

Dig the grave and let me lie.

Glad did I live and gladly die,

And I laid me down with a will.

This be the verse you grave for me:

Here he lies where he longed to be;

Home is the sailor, home from sea,

And the hunter home from the hill.

Robert Louis Stevenson

Amen.

Whatever happened to Michael Writes?

 He learned what bleeding was

end of blog.

It could be, but I'd like to think that you came here to learn what I learned about bleeding.

I am an overweight single man of 51 years. I work for my mother these days as her Administrator of the Knox County Museum of Education. Up until I took over, I had no background or experience in managing anything bigger than a small TV studio and a private eBay business. So, it was a learning experience.

My mother's mental state has been in decline since she turned 86, I wasn't aware of it until she stopped driving. Then last year she had the rounds with High Blood Pressure and ERs and nervous doctors and it spelled certain doom for her as her activity decreased to the point that by November of 2019 she semi-officially retired from the Museum's daily operations, She was already not going in daily. Things were rocky but I managed to keep everything afloat until COVID-19 came along and ruined the world. I was under incredible stress, taking care of my mother had become full-time, and trying to work full-time as well. Then I got a couple of scratches on my left leg.

Of course, I treated it and bandaged it, but thought nothing of it until it started leaking a water-like substance. Epidermal fluid. I had something like it in October 2019 but it only lasted a few days and dried up. This did not. I went to the doctor and went on a water pill and potassium and antibiotics.

Again, I wasn't too concerned as it was only water, I could still work albeit there was a lot of leaking. Eventually, I decided to stay home, a second wound appeared on my ankle below the wounds on my shin, it was quite painful to touch and I bandaged it as well. Then on a Tuesday night in July, I was putting mom to be around 12am and had just was the wounds and bandaged them. As I was getting her water in the kitchen right after that, I felt something wet and looked down to find myself standing in a puddle of blood. The kitchen floor was covered by blood. Not sure how bad, but by the time it registered in my head it was my blood I was calling for my mother and headed towards her bathroom which is adjacent to the kitchen.

I managed to get into her bathroom which is narrow, get on her toilet and get the bandage off. Meanwhile, mom is in a panic and trying to get her Google Nest Hub to call the neighbors and, of course, Google isn't cooperating which make everything worse, I finally talk mom into the bedroom to get her phone which I had put by her bed (mine is on the charger in my bedroom)

She starts calling our neighbors.

I get the bandage off my ankle and the blood sprays out of my ankle like a leaking pipe. I stare at it in disbelief. I have NEVER bled like this in my life (and I have bled quite a bit). As I try to decide what to do the blood just continues to spray. The problem is that because I am overweight (huge belly) it becomes an obstacle to get over to reach down to my ankle. 

Mom finally reaches out to next-door neighbors who say they will be right over. Gary is a retired postman and his wife Robin is a retired school teacher. Mom then calls our handyman who is a true superhero because he always comes no matter how early or how late it is. By this time it's 12:30 am

I have managed to twist on the toilet and get 2 fingers down to my ankle, but I don't know what to do, the bleeding won't stop, I have a hysterical moment where I start thinking about the Black Knight scene from Monty Python & the holy grail. "Tis but a flesh wound," I say and giggle.

Mom can't reach our handyman Ronnie and gets hysterical too.

In the middle of this, I start praying "I'm not going to die." I believe that I am going to die.

Then someone tells me to push my two fingers down into the bleeding wound, so I do and the bleeding stops. At this point, I am pouring sweat out of my head, my vision is blurred and everything is slippery, my hand cramps and the fingers slip out after awhile and the bleeding starts again.

Again, I hear a voice tell me to place my fingers back into the wound. The world slows down and the bleeding stops. I know I am going to live. I also know the voice is in my head and it is the voice of God. I might doubt it now, but right at that moment,I know it to be true. 

My neighbor Gary and Robin arrive to discover that I had locked the front door, Mom can't get to the front door and end up coming in through the backdoor so the first thing they see is all the blood. I suspect they figured that I had been savagely attacked. It's at that moment we find out neither of them can deal with blood.

Gary gets my mother's cell phone and calls 911.

By the time I see them, Robin is trying to calm Mom down and Gary is standing nervously as far from the bathroom as he can without leaving the house. At that point, our friend Ronnie arrives. 

I lean back and ask Gary to shine his flashlight in the bathroom on my leg. I confirm that the ankle is no longer bleeding. I am sitting in a pool of my own blood, but I am still alive.

Ronnie starts cleaning up the blood in the kitchen.

The EMTs arrive and it dawns on me, no one is wearing a mask. No one.

My neighbors take their leave at this point.

I laugh.

They look confused. I ask them what I should do. 

They get a chair and help me out of the bathroom. The bleeding has stopped. I am morbidly terrified it will start bleeding again. This fear will be with me for about 23 days.

They bandage my ankle and leg.

I ask them if they think I should go to the ER.

They look uncomfortable and I discover that they cannot make that decision. I have to ask to be taken to the ER.

I laugh again.

They look uncomfortable. 

Mom tells them I am not going to the ER.

I ask their names and thank them for coming. Ronnie gets mom into bed and I thank Ronnie for coming and help him clean up the rest of the blood meaning I watch him throw out a complete set of towels, a new set of washcloths,  and my favorite slippers. 

What have I learned?

I bled out of a capillary less than 10% of my blood supply.

I went into shock and only God saved me.

I probably would have bled to death, however, and if I hadn't stopped the bleeding the EMTs would have, but they weren't there at the moment of truth. They came late to that party

I learned that humans can and will spurt blood and whilst the Brits make light of it, it's a reality that I have lived through.

I have also learned that it was only the beginning of my education which I will tell you about next time.

and that is Life (and bleeding) According to Mike.

The State of the World According to Mike

It's June 25, 2020.

    The world as we had thought we knew it has spiraled out of control and ended for all intents and purposes. In my last blog I was concerned we would collectively forget about Covid-19 after it was over.

I was wrong. A fair number of people are already, actively trying to forget it now, in the middle of it, all the while swearing that it's over.

    The world ended a few days ago, no one actually noticed it. In fact, it's been over for a while. No one cares. REM sang their verse and went downstairs to get high or drunk.

    People will think I am kidding, but it's true. My own mother chides me for believing that this invisible disease is real as if all diseases aren't invisible until someone gets it and you have to watch them die. I cry for that person who, right up to the moment their father's hand goes cold, couldn't believe that face mask was necessary and that staying at home was ridiculous. Now she stands there, knowing that the disease is real, that her father's death was preventable and that the enormity of it all is so far past any single person's responsibility that it's almost laughable as she walks back to her car through the crowds of protesters and deniers running to and fro as if the disease was all the hoax that my 88-year-old mother believes it is. My mother does acknowledge that something is seriously wrong, but even her experienced mind cannot grasp the unreality of it all. Her dementia is localized in the fact that she is cut off from reality and society and even in denial she is living in isolation and quarantine thanks to me and her inability to age gracefully.

    I can't hold that woman who just lost her father, except in my mind. I can't even hold anyone else, because this threat has taken away our ability to touch for the fear that all of this presents. Meanwhile, our leaders squabble over tiny amounts of money while combatting public outcry while the Grim Reaper walks the halls of ERs and Retirement Homes. 

    I can only pray that somewhere in all this apocalyptic madness that someone finds a cure/treatment/vaccine before the world goes to war over a popularity contest and blames it all on Obama for starting it in the first place.

It is times like these that try the Soles of my fellow men...

It is the age of the Coronavirus or COVID-19.
People talk about this disease as if we will all remember it in times to come.
Bad news guys, we won't. Its probably going to last another 2 months on the news, 3 months on the web and someone will bring up that damned Gorilla and everyone will "move" on.
 This the Internet and America. There's a presidential Election and the mud will be flying between Trump and Biden in no time. Sorry, Bernie, the Democratic Party is throwing you off the bus again as unelectable. Anyway, that's another blog in itself.

The fact is that Americans will move on.
It's what they do.
Ask an American about the Ebola outbreak
The few who were paying attention will tell you it is over and besides, that was 4 years ago.
The truth is its not over and there are still cases popping up in Africa.
No one cares.
No one- other than those who had it or those who lost their families, friends, and neighbors to it.
Ask an American about 9/11. Some of them will get very serious for as long as it takes to remind you that there is no comparison but Congress was willing to forget the first responder's subsequent health crisis' and almost not renew the pledges of support that they had made to those men, women, and families.  
Does anyone remember the people who died in those buildings? Does anyone recall the panic and insecurity of this country as our President told the public to buy garbage bags and duct tape against the likelihood of the WMDs that would soon rain down chemical weapons upon our cities?
No, they don't.
Just like all those people who have no idea what happened in Detriot or rather to Detroit
or Flint
or Sandyhook
or Columbine
or Waco
or Katrina
or Puerto Rico
or (the list goes on)
Americans forget and they forget quickly.
Not all Americans, but many.
You can blame the media, the Internet, the Millennials, the Liberals, the Democrats, the Republicans- Hell, let's blame Obama (they will for many years to come); but, the bottom line is not whose fault it is. 
No, it's our Fault, America's fault.
We allow the forgetfulness. Welcome it even.
It's how so many of us cope with things we feel we cannot control.
So, in a few months, when the scare of the Coronavirus has worn off and toilet paper returns to the shelves and the disease has become treatable/curable, people will move on-
and all of the vows that we will never recover and never forget will be forgotten and people will stop washing their hands for 30 seconds.
Hand sanitizer will stop being a commodity and face masks will disappear
leaving the victims bereft and angry. It will join the ranks of the Flu and Pneumonia and this country will not give it much more thought until it comes around again
or doesn't.
There will be another, newer disaster, a volcano, earthquake, tornado, blizzard or terrorist attack to distract us from all the promises made by our politicians and heroes.

I don't really have a positive note to end on here.
It is what it is.
Okay, Fuck that.
It should fucking matter!
We shouldn't forget any of this!
I won't.
The fact I wrote this blog means
I haven't forgotten you Flint, Michigan!
or Waco
or Katrina
or (the list goes on)!

A Funny thing happened on the Way to the Internet

We all evolve. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes for the worse. Occasionally, we stop long enough to realize we keep starting blogs and deleting them because we lost interest in writing them or Netflix is just more tempting to do than to attempt to write in some cohesive manner.


Netflix mostly won although, my struggles with Fallout 4 culminated in me taking a long break and playing Warcraft instead. I have a 120 leveled Death Knight with great legs.
I spend almost every night doing one or the either or both or playing some Star Wars Commander (a fairly mindless game while catching up on personal emails and business.
Work mostly consumes me.
Also developing Arthritis and Tendonitis this fall changed most of what I can get out of my life on a daily basis. You learn to live with the pain first. There are NO QUICK FIXES with that. My knees are at a constant dull throb but flare into full-blown pain on a daily basis.
Then you discover that you complain about it and suddenly you're yelling at kids to get off your lawn and hating modern music.
Yes, you are now an old man.
It sucks.
So I went back to daydreaming. I write mostly on Twitter and as a result, I mostly gave up on the blogs. I can admit now that I burnt out on blogging big time. I just would sit down and stare at the screen before going to Warcraft as a means of survival.

So where do I go from here?
I don't know. I still work part-time and take care of my mother. I have so little time that I end up so tired that I cannot write like I once did. I feel so depleted at night and feel like there's never enough time to work on my fiction. I write a fair amount of Twitter poetry each week, then share it to a Facebook page.
I am planning to reorganize my patreon and Website. So that will change.
I just realized this blog is not as interesting as the idea of it sounded as when I started it.
Anywho, I am back and will be writing more interesting blogs and maybe just maybe a youtube video
until then you know the Drill.

I've been a lousy Blogger

Once upon a time, I blogged. Now I work.
I used to churn out content, now I sit in front of the computer twittering, netflixing, and playing mindless games.
I was a contender.
Now I am a lousy Blogger.

The question is does anyone care?
Do I care?
The first answer is yours.
The second in mine. I do care.
But writer's block, depression and downright dread of coming up with content that's not boring like this is becoming boring.

Diety! so dull.
Anyway. Now that I have lost your attention. I will say that this will be a summer of transitions as Life According to Mike is going to the Tube and this blog will become the companion piece although I am considering moving this to Discord. Why?
I hate writing in a vacuum.
So. Look for changes.... I mean if you are still awake or here and not deleting your links.
With that being said.
This was Boring according to... nevermind.

MY FAVORITE 150 MOVIES OF ALL TIME

These are not in order the top ten are but the others would take the rest of the year to sort. I am going to break down the whys in the following blogs. It's taken me 3 months to narrow down the list to 150 and that was so damn hard.

1. The Princess Bride
2. The Empire Strikes Back
3.  12 Angry Men
4. Blade Runner
5. Strictly Ballroom
6. Dr. Strangelove
7. Tangled
8. Secondhand Lions
9. Harvey
10. Rashomon
11. The Lord of the Rings Extended Edition (the trilogy)
12. Princess Mononoke
13. The Road Warrior
14. Dredd
15. Edge of Tomorrow
16. Groundhog Day
17. The Artist
18. Hot Fuzz
19. Ghost in the Shell (anime)
20. Tron 
21. Bridge to Terabithia
22. Tron Legacy
23. Cyrano de Bergerac (original)
24. Raiders of the Lost Ark
25. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
26. The Shawshank Redemption
27. To Kill a Mockingbird
28. Casablanca
29. Equilibrium
30. Toys
31. The Matrix
32. Mary Poppins
33. The Man in the Iron Mask
34. The Highlander
35. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
36. The Life of Brian
37. Time Bandits
38. Clerks
39. My Neighbor Totoro
40. Howl's Moving Castle
41. Laputa
42. Nausicaa
43. Fletch
44. V is for Vendetta
45. Serenity
46. Starman
47. The Abyss
48. Beauty and the Beast (Disney)
49. Beastly
50. Airplane 1 & 2
51. Brotherhood of the Wolf
52. Deadpool
53. Labyrinth
54. The Dark Crystal
55. Fight Club
56. Spirited Away
57. High Fidelity
58. Star Wars: A New Hope
59. The Seven Samurai
60. Interstellar
61. The Terminator
62. Ferris Bueller's Day off
63. Friday
64. Ghostbusters (original)
65. The Hunger Games
66. Something Wicked this way Comes
67. Aliens
68. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 1 & 2
69. Harry Potter Movies (all of them)
70. Shot in the Dark
71. The Pink Panther (all of the Peter Sellers ones)
72. Captain America
73. Wonder Woman
74. Conan the Barbarian
75. Stardust
76. Ladyhawke
77. Cocoon
78. Captain America The Winter Soldier
79. The Dark Knight
80. Gladiator
81. 300
82. Akira
83. 2001
84. A Fish Called Wanda
85. Layer Cake
86. Star Trek 4 the voyage home
87. Star Trek 2: Wrath of Kahn
88. The Truman Show
89. Toy Story Trilogy
90. Epic
91. Singing in the Rain
92. Camelot
93. Galaxy Quest
94. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
95. Troy
96. Batman Begins
97. Iron Man 
98. Legend
99. The Avengers (Marvel)
100. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
101. Willow
102. T2: Judgement Day
103. Star Wars Rogue One
104. Star Wars The Last Jedi
105. Star Wars The Force Awakens
106. Hildago
107. Inception
108. The Green Mile
109. Shrek 
110. The Usual Suspects
111. Brazil
112. Leon: The Professional
113. Wasabi
114. Back to the Future
115. The Dark Knight Rises
116. Amelie
117. Some Like it Hot
118. Better Off Dead
119. Say Anything
120. Up
121. The Big Lebowski
122. Pirates of the Carribean Black Pearl
123. Dancing in the Rain
124. Children of a Lesser God
125. Star Trek (Remake)
126. Ghost
127. Office Space
128. Raising Arizona
129. Oh Brother Where Art Thou
130. Hamlet (Gibson)
131. La La Land
132. Brave
133. Witness for the Prosecution
134. Kick-Ass
135. Chocolat
136. Real Genius
137. Shaun of the Dead
138. Jungle Book, animated
139. Jungle Book live action (recent)
140. The Cat from Outer Space
141. The Three Musketeers (Disney remake)
142. The Musketeer
143. Cyrano (Gerald Depardieu )
144. The Incredibles
145. Big Hero 6
146. Zootopia
147. Super Troopers
148. Mr. and Mrs. Smith
149. True Lies
150. The Book of Eli

These aren't necessarily the best movies, just my favorite ones. base argument is these are the ones I would not hesitate to rewatch over and over again.

There are others that I have liked more but decided to never rewatch or own.

Thanksgiving. The day where you are lucky to still be alive

Once upon a time...
I know it's historical but come on, no one really knows how or why it happened. more than 400 years of history and school plays later and no one really cares anymore.

So, once upon a time there was a thanksgiving to some the much confused terminology for the people who lived here in what is now called the US of A. In which a handful of them - I mean a tribe and by a tribe I mean a handful of a tribe of whatever you want to call them since we are not really sure what call themselves (the pilgrims and other europeans kind of wiped them off the planet before we could establish who they really were).
Anyway, I digress.
These guys helped out a handful of pilgrims or colonists who may have completely died off afterward anyway survive their first winter on this continent and thus indirectly establish a holiday that bear little to no resemblance to anything that had to do with it in the first place other than a general sense of ironic gratitude for survival.

This is probably the reason me and the turkeys spend most holidays like this alone on the front porch while everyone else is grateful inside.
But seriously, I won't be treating this as a national day of mourning for Turkeys or the First Nations or the millions of others who were subsequently wiped out by the avarice of a group of ignorant savages in their greed and destruction. That would be cheating.
We need a day that observes that this happened and as a country built on such evils to observe it that is separate from other holidays.
Also, Turkeys are supposed to be our national bird not our national meal.
So, let's begin again.
Once upon a time there was a holiday that marked our gratitude in the broadest sense of generalization to those who enabled our survival as individuals, families, communities, towns, cities and states and, in fact, as a nation to thank all those people and peoples who gave us the ability to thank them today.
So let us reconcile ourselves to that and stop killing turkeys and giving into repeating the sins of our forefathers and become the people who celebrate Thanksgiving for some other reason than rampant gluttony and preparation for a national day of utter greed.

amen.
from Mike who was exiled to the front porch with all the other turkeys in America.