Sex! Well- thoughts on Sex and not on my lack of it.

SEX!

Well, thoughts on SEX

and not on my lack of it.

Having said that, I put forth this proposition. I am an expert on Sex.

Not because I've had it, but rather that I have thought about it.

A lot.

I am, in fact, Technically, a VIRGIN. 
Technically by the American version of sex.... the college version anyway.
To put it plainly.
I have not ever placed my penis in any hole.
'nuff said.

Actually- now that I think about it I am an expert on not having sex.
I WANT SEX
just not bad enough to look for a hooker (which I can't afford anyway) or pick up "loose men or women" in bars and TINDER, add a healthy dose of fear of STDs and you can picture my life in a sad string of failures at pickup lines, online dating sites, and the multitudes of women who would never consider me as a sex partner (men too).
BUT THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT MY LACK OF SEX OR THE REASONS FOR IT.

It's about my point of view on Sex.
Which means it could well be completely wrong.
(i.e. go find another blog if this bugs you)
I am going to say things I will most likely regret and if my Murphy Luck holds up, I will alienate the one woman who would have loved to fuck me.... or not.

(Finally, a word to my father and mother and stepmother) when I use the word Fuck, it will be deliberate rather than just as a convenient expletive.

So SEX!

It seems to me... it appears to me? No. It seems to me that fantasy books have spelled out the difference between most men and women with magic.

In the Wheel of Time books, Robert Jordan describes the use of the one power as being different from a man to a woman.

"The One Power comes from the True Source, the driving force of creation, the force the Creator made to turn the Wheel of Time. Saidin, the male half of the True Source, and Saidar, the female half, work against each other, and at the same time together to provide that force...." Moiraine Damodred

"Saidar is described as a gentle, but infinitely powerful river; a force which will do what you wish it to, but requires patience to be "persuaded;" otherwise it will carry you away. A woman must submit to Saidar in order to access it, an act universally known as embracing the Power. Weaving for a female channeler consists of guiding the flow of the Power to achieve the desired end.

Saidin is described as a raging torrent, just as powerful as Saidar but tempestuous: a raw, untamed force that must be "coerced" through the strength of will or else it will overwhelm you. In contrast to Saidar, a man must make Saidin submit to him in order to access it: a process known as seizing the Power. Weaving for a male channeler involves wielding it much like a weapon and directing it to do his bidding."                   (taken from A Wheel of Time Wiki, http://wot.wikia.com/wiki/One_Power)

I can see sex like this.
Women recognizing that sex is a gentle but powerful force that drives the body to new levels of pleasure and ecstasy which if properly harnessed can be controlled, managed as long as a woman does not give into the temptation to be swept away with its force.
Men realize that sex is very much a wild raging torrent of lust energy that has to be coerced into a tool that brings power and pleasure like a weapon to be used on another in order to master someone for the desired results.
It's not all-inclusive or exclusive as there are women who will take on sex like a man and men who will take it submissively and subtlety.
Is this a generalization?
Yes, it is.
Then why believe it?
Because I can.
and because it's fascinating to see it played out around me in books, movies, and real life.
I have felt the force that drives me as a man to consider, HELL, to entertain such forbidden concepts as rape, control, using force on another to satisfy my urges. It's always abstract for me, I am like Walter Mitty, ever imagining what it would be like to push a woman face down across a table or desk, pulling down her pants, or up in the case of a dress or skirt, and then the panties. Imagining her face in excitement but then it's just a fantasy and like most fantasies, it peters out pretty fast
Pushing myself into her then shoving her top up to her armpits in order to explore her breasts, leaning over her back listening to her pants of excitement and fear as we thrust in rhythm to our heartbeats.
This particular fantasy is triggered by tight-fitting skirts, dresses and pants/shorts exposing a well-rounded butt. It takes about 10-15 seconds to flash through my mind before I quickly remember what it's like to be forced down on a table by some bully and the sheer terror that runs through my veins as quickly robbing me of any pleasure I would have received from that fantasy.
I feel, apologetic and sick at the same time.
I am one screwed up person, in short.
It's the kind of thing you never get over.
Or at least, I have yet to get over it. Rape fantasy lasts as long as it takes me to remember the fear.

This is not a fact. Just some thoughts.
It's all trapped inside my imagination anyway, like so many other things in my life. I can only imagine sex or live through some watered down version of it since my chances of the act, in actuality, is unlikely. Sometimes I feel that my life is like a relationship in Skyrim where whenever I find someone compatible to fall for, it takes time for her to admit her feelings for me and then just when we are about to get lucky, the screen goes to black and I wake up beside her, not being able to touch or even kiss her. Only what I have imagined stays real for me.

I fall in love with fictional characters all the time.
(this will be another blog....one day- don't worry I'll pepper the blog with Outlander pics for the Ladies and Playboy pics for the men or sports or something.
I fall in love with fictional characters from movies, tv shows, books and even poems.
I imagine the relationship with them.
I wonder what sex would be like especially if I am a character in the fiction with them.
Ironically I am more myself than I would like my imagination to picture.
for instance....
Wonder Woman strolls in to find me waiting for her. She is Amazonian (Amazing)

and then there's me.
I look at my imagined self.
I facepalm.
"Really, that's who I am in this fantasy?" I say.
Imaginary me looks back
"What were you hoping for?" He says
"Something amazing...."
"I don't see the problem." Wonder Woman says as she crosses over to kiss Imaginary Me passionately.
He gives me the thumbs up as I gawk.
"You're dreaming again aren't you?"
Kate asks me.
We're in the coffee shop. I have a stupid smile on my face.
She's pretty.
She knows it.
She is also unavailable.
This is the story of my sex life.
All the women I have ever wanted to have sex with are unavailable.
My biggest problem with sex is...
Hell if I know.

it could be one of the following.

1. The Ferris Bueller defense. 

watch it from 2:45 to 3:30 for the speech.
Sex has become, in the abstract, an end all, be all for me. But thanks to Ferriss, I was forewarned of this possibility so I guard against it. Ironically, this very argument has kept me from getting laid, however, I have no crazy ass girlfriends like some of my less wise and unfortunate male friends who settled for that course.

2. I have the IRISH Curse
I blame genetics... also I am only like 1/5 Irish...
I only have a comparatively small penis. 
Any guy who claims to not have compared his penis to the penthouse size charts or surreptitiously glanced from one urinal to the guy in the other to check how his dingaling stacks up is lying or incredibly well hung and thus has had us lesser dude sneaking looks and cussing to ourselves at the unfairness of the world.
I probably have an average penis but having watched way to much porn, I have been brainwashed into believing women want monster phalluses to be rammed into their bodies at high speeds. It is 100% bad internet porns fault...
that's my story anyway.
Sorry, no graphics on this.
If you must know Goto 4chan and ruin your life.

3. I'm fat (my mother mostly blames this)
Dinner conversation: "If you only lost that weight than the girls would line up."
I look at the guy who is as fat as me sitting a table over with a very attractive female wife. My mother refuses to see the contradiction....
Then the pretty friend who I used to have the hots for ("secretly") leans over and tells me confidentially that the real reason she wouldn't have sex with me is that my bodyweight would crush her. Later she introduces me to her muscle-bound boyfriend - who paradoxically weighs more than me- but it's all muscle because that makes a difference.

4. I'm too smart.
Sure intelligence is sexy, but only as long as it is a MEME and not the nerdy uber geek sitting at your workstation fixing your computer. Let's not forget the now stereotypical but charming sociopath from the real 50 shades of coincidence that all women really desire. I am very smart, quite possibly a genius of sorts but it has NEVER gotten me laid, so how smart am I really?

 this one is doubly ironic, of course

So why put it here. Here are 2 really creepy romantic heroes with desperately needy women who worship these two guys share sophisticated styles in the new wave of sexy intelligence based on such rampant falsehood that it makes my IQ spin.

Inside jokes aside. These 2 stories (linked) are portrayals of intelligent men who are deeply sexual and yet are neither intelligent or sexually desirable save for the imaginations of the women and girls who ignore their glaring monstrosities finding them ideal romantic subjects.

In short, sociopaths who prey on all women through bad writing (ironically done by women)

If you happen to have missed my point read it all again or give me the stock response I usually get.

"Mike, it's not about you."

but it is. 

I am too smart for most relationships because I can recognize the intrinsic flaws in myself and all my potential lovers (of which there actually hasn't been many)

It would be easier for me to believe that I just haven't me the right woman, yet. 

Chances are though, I have and she just dismissed me as another asshole- because that is easier than bothering to understand what I am trying to say.

Which leads me to my next statement.

5. I am a smartass.
Which is to say I have a very dry wit and most people do not get it. There are many reasons for this but mostly I forget that people take me way too seriously way too much.

I wisecrack and people, many of them women get offended.

I am macabre and many people decide I am a monster

I am ironic and several women have come after me for being to fatalistic and "you can't joke about that."

I am honest and there are proverbial screams of horror.

I am serious and there is laughter, a bit late as I have been banned from yet another social circle where no one got the joke (family included).

Social media is the worst for this.

Apparently, you can no longer joke about sex.

also if you're a man, you aren't allowed to tell a joke about the pickle slicer to women and small children.... Okay, I can see the children not needing to hear that until they are seventeen.

6. I believe too much in fairytales.
I do, I want the fairytale romance. happily-ever-after might be overrated and cliched but it doesn't make it less true. Love can be the best thing to happen in life. It might be a sweet illusion but at the end of the day, the damsel in distress can rescue me and ride away into the sunset as long is it is for love. Hell, I will take love over sex in this case.... trick answer, love, and sex can and should be the same thing.... at least in fairytales.

7. My expectations are too high
Everyone has expectations. Everyone has fantasies. Everyone who is willing to admit it anyway. Nothing goes as well as planned, but the disappointment is game-changing. How many times did I come to the brink of sex only to have the woman or girl change her mind and leave me sitting there going WTF just happened?
Still, no means no.
But an explanation would be nice.
I didn't get an honest one, ever.
I mean it.
There were explanations, but studying for a test is a lie, not having premarital sex was also a lie, I am too psychoanalytical was a dodge, and it's too big was definitely a whopper (refer to #2 if you have already forgotten)

8. I was terrified of AIDS and STDs.
I was, I guess I still am, my uncle died from complications due to AIDS when I was in my 20's. This detail singlehandedly kept me out of the bar scene my entire life. Casual sex became sex roulette with 1 in six chance of blowing my head off.... if you don't get that one, we can't be sex partners- which puts you in the vast majority of people who tolerate me these days.

9. I am sexual.
I refuse to call myself a heterosexual because Americans are very weird about the gender decision that heterosexuality has become. I am kind of bisexual trisexual or something as homosexuality does not offend me and in some case I find it arousing. I also find a host of other sexual tastes desirable but none of them would set a romantic role in my life because it is just a sexual preference or arousal... people are sexual, different strokes and all. You cannot explain homosexuality on this basis. It's cheating. People are not homosexual or heterosexual for strictly sexual reasons... they are that way for emotional, psychological, cultural reasons. I just feel like we've missed the whole point somehow by focusing on gender qualification and attraction by forcing it all into easy to define (well apparently easy to define) roles that make the whole business cut and dried and avoid that glaring fact that it is so much more of a trainwreck then a gay versus straight thing.
Once again, this doesn't win me any friends- who tell me that unless I am one way or another I am a bisexual and should shit my trap as I don't know what I am talking about.

10. I love my own characters too much.
I pretty much live half my life inside my head. I write these stories about heroes and fall in love with some many wonderful men and women (and dragons and wolves- long story) and tend to forget at times that they only exist on paper or in blogs or my books and while they all have very real relationships with me, they only exist there where I can see them until they escape to literature so that those who seek them will understand that they are so special and their stories need to be told. I am currently writing the Spartan and the Amazon's story and am very much in love with Maggie Macdonald and Diana Prince right now, it's 1945 and WWII has come to it's awful end. Mike Knight and Diana Prince are headed home to be with Maggie on her farm in the Azores. If this sounds familiar don't tell DC, I hijacked Wonder Woman for my own imagination... it might become a book one day... it probably won't but it's been a blast to imagine it all especially the part where I am in love with Diana.


11. I cannot effectively communicate with women I like
If I have to explain this then you must have skipped to this one as I have pretty much explained it by explaining everything else. I get gum footed, nervous, and frantic when I meet someone I am attracted to and usually manage to come across as a complete jerk, dork or idiot or all three. Tongue-tied as my pent up desires suddenly run rampant like a million minions in a furor.

12. You don't really care anyway
In all fairness, you probably don't, you just had sex, are getting ready for sex, going to have it later this week or you're impotent and now hate me for bringing it up. In which case, Fuck you and you're Welcome.

13. What's the point of sex anyway?
A very relevant question. SEX IS OVERRATED
especially when you aren't getting any. Would people just shut up about it anyway?!
Jeez. I would sell my soul for just one kiss, just one kiss....

it was just one kiss

So that's my take on sex.... and life and love and fish 'n chips (gotcha)
next time on Life According to Mike, we will discuss Penuckle and why it is the game that will end the world...

Now I am 48, still out of date....

Now I am 48.

People (they know who they are) ask me how it feels to be 48.
I tell them I haven't felt like I was 60 in a long time.
I get a nervous laugh, a chuckle and they shake their heads.
I don't get along with my brother.
I never did.
Even when I thought I was getting along with him, I wasn't.
Why bring this up now?
On your birthday, for Pete sakes!
Crikey.
It's obvious to me.
48 is a number like 50. I don't give it much credence. 
I am 48, I don't get along with my brother, I have a weird relationship with my father, I take care of my mother (more than I ever thought I would) and my best friend is also my niece.... also my other best friend is wonderful and doesn't get much credit as to how much I truly love her.
Okay, I admit it.
That's not my point.
I don't get along with my brother because despite all my intentions to be someone else where the world is concerned I don't get along with my brother, we are alike and utterly un-alike and it makes no sense to anyone...especially me. Sometimes I say:
"This explains everything!"
Then I am forced to admit it didn't explain anything but what I wanted it to explain.
I don't know my brother.
I have tried and quit and inevitably will most likely try again, except I am getting to old for this:

So, I am 48 and too old for- well you get the point of that, now.
Moving on.
Actually, I am doing swell.
Except that I am still alone.
Working out, eating healthy stuff, living in a perpetual daydream that is so self-congratulatory and self-pleasing- the ego massaging kind that I now call it my happy place.
Hi, I am Michael Wilder. 
I have three wives.
(I warned you)

I will stop there save to say I am on new meds.
I feel good most of the time.
I don't need Bob's tits anymore.

 If I need to explain this, you probably just wandered into my life and miss most of my movie references.
(fight club, bob (meatloaf) Deadpool, movie references) or just forget it.
pretend I am cooking and this is the food network.

So, I digress.
I am 48.
A poet, future tango dancer, hopeful romancer.
Likeliest to die alone in an empty cafe in Vienna full of figurative bullet-holes.
Now, you can be lost and give me that look.

and you won't be alone. Most of my family just shrug, make a nervous laugh and check their collective cell phones while silently wishing that the "old mike" would come back and then we could talk about that time I got kicked in the teeth.
Look, I tinker, I fix stuff, all that convenient lock picking, console hacking, raider shooting stuff 
just ain't for me....

and that is the first day of 48 according to Mike.

A Friend of Mine posted a link to this on Facebook: To Fall in Love with Anyone Do This.

Today on Facebook a friend of mine (who is married with kids) posted this article/link:
To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This.
(NYT article post)
I read through it quickly then reread it (I am a natural doubter having never actually or at least rationally been in love or at very least reciprocal love) I have now read and reread it several times.
Even as a permanent skeptic I have an achilles heel called hope.
So as part of an experiment I am going to post the 36 questions and answer them here.
I know it's one sided and that it is unlikely that anyone will do them with me- but maybe someone someday will and wonder what it would have been like to stand opposite me and gaze into my eyes... or not. But there is always hope.

There is an "app" on the nyt site @ nytimes.com/36q that will redirect your phone to it and you can do the app via browser with your desired partner. Takes about 50 minutes, fairly idiot proof.

As OKGO says "Here We go again"

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Unliving (inside joke) Jesus. I hear he was great a parties also free wine and forgiveness.
Living: Neil Gaiman. He's my favorite person and very interesting. 

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Moderately famous, and by that- famous for something I actually did such as being the awesome author of a great novel, never mind being a famous blogger with a quirky smile

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Always, if I am not careful I will have the entire conversation before starting it and finding out that I have forgotten or don't need all that rehearsing anyway

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
No depression. None, nada, also no sadness and a general sense of giddiness. No physical aches and pains be nice to. Sunlight, a long talk with a friend and no guilt over what I ate or failed to accomplish that day

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
Yesterday, pretty much sing to myself all the time. Yesterday, although they didn't take it that well.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
The Body, I have seen those 90 year olds and their minds are fine but gawd the bodies aren't -ask the 90 year olds, you'll get the same answer. besides my 30 year old mind wasn't much to talk about.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Not really. I actually have no intention of having premonitions since I had a cousin who had a fear of dying in a car accident so much that he stopped driving and took a taxi and you ca guess how he died....

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
Since I don't have a partner or even a volunteer, I will express 3 things I would like to have in common. 
1. the need to be touched. I don't get touched much by anyone, for me there is nothing more intimate nor personal nor lovely then being touched by someone.
2. The ability and probability to find humor in everything. Even at my worst I find I would rather laugh then cry.
3. belief in love however unlikely is more than just an illusion or a lie we tell ourselves in order to not feel utterly alone. 
There is a lot more but when faced with such basic needs if I found someone who was as into scifi fantasy/reading/language/writing/music/geekdom and the like but did not have the other things in common then it would just be a cosmic joke on me. I would rather be in love with a person who had no interests in common with me but I could touch/laugh/love without pause or question than a unresponsive rock.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
The list would be long.
but.
Mostly that I am smart, creative, kind, vulnerable and funny.
and that I can be more than I am now.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
That my parent's had settled in a small town with a solid community and I could have grown up with kids near me that were my own age and shared my interests. That appearance/decorum was less important than compassion and forgiveness. That to appear human was better than how I dress or stood. Basically my parents did their best and I am grateful for most of it, but they weren't as good as they would have liked or as I would have liked. Very few people are that fortunate.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
4 minutes wouldn't cover it. but here is the short short short version.
I am a South African White American who has been around the world once, lived in a few places, seen a lot of the world, survived hell and worse, been pretty much alone through the entirety of it all and inherited a lot of things from my parents I would have rather skipped instead. I have not lived much as an adult since fear and depression took over my life through my 20's and 30's. But I am better now. Also I am like an onion Donkey.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
The ability to fly. Okay I just assumed it was a superpower. able to play the guitar like a pro. words and music man.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
Depends on the day.
Somedays, I would like to know what happened to me that I have a mental block from remembering. Other days I hope I never remember it. 
Somedays, I would like to know if I ever will fall in love, but really I am afraid that I won't and then I would rather know- it's all about that hope.
If the Crystal Ball could tell me who i should find to fall in love with I suppose that would be both exciting and terrifying. Also if there really is a God and what is She up to. or where in the heck Holloway's key really is , I keep looking but I still can't find it and I will never beat that game.

14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Finishing my novel. Writer's block, too many excuses and distractions.
Also kissing a woman. I am a scaredy cat and lose my nerve way to often.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
I hope I haven't made it yet. otherwise, realizing that I am a writer was pretty great. I did get a Master's Degree.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?
Trust. I want to trust my friends implicitly. 

17. What is your most treasured memory?
The first time I kissed Olyvya or Kim or Sophia "Boo"
meeting Larry Elmore or Neil Gaiman and having a normal discussion with them as if we were equals.
Also the day I met Felicia Day at Blizzcon and feeling connected with her for a few precious minutes.

18. What is your most terrible memory?
There are too many. Being abused by people I trusted and loved. Being bullied, hated and or feared.
I just can't go there, it's a very dark place.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
I guess I would go find someone (a woman) and kiss her and just maybe have sex. I would like to know what that actually feels like. I have fooled around and that was great but I am... still inexperienced. 45 years 11 months and counting. 
If you have to ask why then you obviously have forgotten.
fuck the bucket list, I would trade my entire life most days for just a five minute kiss. 
and that would/will change the way I am living, for the record.
if I survive the kiss and sex, then I think skydiving would be next.

20. What does friendship mean to you?
Everything, I want my friendships to last, be based on mutual trust and understanding. It's doesn't always happen, but the one thing I hate to do is let down someone I call my friend. 

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Sadly not much. This happens when the only person around you is your mother. I love her and I feel affection for her BUT she is my mother not my lover and at best we are friends. I love my cat and feel affection for him. If you are my friend, I hope they feel both from me.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
Again, not having a someone I cannot say save to say these a five characteristics- I would like in my partner should she apparate at some point.
1. innate happiness. being happy in her own skin
2. kindness
3. loves animals (well not stink bugs )
4. loves to be loved
5. smiles a lot. maybe too much. 

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
Sadly we were not that close or warm. I had a better childhood because I got to go and see things others did not, I got exposed to a lot of good things like art, music, theater and nature. BUT. my home life was not stable or safe after I turned 5. So I had a good childhood but not necessarily a happy one.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
It's better than it was and healthier than it's ever been. I stayed with her during and after the divorce. it became a matter of me and her in everything and while it helped me through college, it was a little too intimate and close for my well being. Now there is some distance and space, soon there will be more and I think I will be better for it. I hope, she will be better for it too.

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
Verbatim.
We are probably both scared at how this might play out
We are both unlikely to be happy to go home alone.
We are both hoping that somehow someway it can/will be different this time.

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
I wish I had someone with whom I could share everything with or at least as much as she will be comfortable sharing with.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
I am a empath and if we are not both aware and careful of that I will take on and even reflect your own emotions back at you instead of just expressing my own.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
I like the way I think you will bite your lower lip when you feel shy, happy or nervous.
I like the way you open a new book as if the contents are ready to burst out.
I like the way you look at me when you think I won't notice or see
I like the way you take time to rehearse what you are going to say on the phone before calling me.
I can't honestly say that I would say all this to a stranger. But I like the way you keep nodding as if you agree with everything you just read.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
There are so many.
It really depends on how embarrassed. I guess the worst I remember was getting an erection in science class and then having two girls I liked notice and point it out. Now that I think of it that led to some seriously bad bullying and isolation.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
It's been a long time (at least a year) I usually flee as soon as I suspect it's about to happen. 
by myself, a couple of weeks ago, when you are me, it happens fairly regularly, mostly when writing blogs or poetry although I did tear up quite a bit during Big Hero 6- I got a lot of Pain.

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
That you are still reading this. Also that dimple in your chin.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
It's all about time and place and sensitivity. There's a time and place for everything. That being said I never laugh about abuse or abject cruelty.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Well, I guess I won't get to tell Felicia Day thanks for treating me like a normal person and I won't get to tell Nathan Fillion that he is without a doubt my favorite actor of all time, or Jake, I am the one who not only took the last beer but I only drank half of it before pouring it out in your rose bush. Sorry man. Life is full of regrets and things better left unsaid. The one thing I will regret is that I will never get a chance to do the silly walk around your house nor tell you how much I would have loved you if you had only loved me back in the first place.
hey you asked. 

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
The Beach Towel - you know the one with The hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy on it?
since my loved ones include my xbox and pc, I think that would cover it.
how is that not funny?

It's not like I am going to lug out the family photo album or that ugly couch your mother gave us.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Tori, she was so young and pretty. Everybody dies, I am disturbed by all of them. Some of the people in my family have been dying for years others might as well be dead now. 

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
I can't dance. What dya think?
and there you have it.
It would be really cool if you commented on this.
or told me you had fallen in love with me and it was time to meet on a bridge and spend 4 minutes staring into one another's eyes.
I feel kind of silly and foolish
but hey that's Life according to mike.