Am I getting this?

Blogging is not for the faint  of heart.

Well it might be but it takes a lot of moxie of which I would have thought that I had in 

SPADES

I mean look at  this guy. He got Moxie and Hoozpah. He blows bubbles.

Did I mention  he has  a sexy voice?

Writing takes time.  I have almost always been to impatient to actually write. That and way to busy. 

I mean to write this blog I had to put Facebook to be  and eBay and even some idiotic TV (and I am at work)

I thought I had found a voice. You would think I would have a lot to say.

I mostly just want to go home, put my feet up and play a little 

This is my escape from Suckage. 

My tag line should  be  "at least I don't suck.'

It's mostly true.

I should be writing stuff as cool as this 

 My mornings should  be serene like this woman and  her coffee.

Instead all  I can think of at times like this is her face (profile)  is off.

So you probably can see where I am going  with all this....

No that's close but not quite what I was shooting for. Besides on a day like this I am more  Blue like this guy

Jump jets and sniper rifle (oh yeah baby!).

Life is fun, it should be. It  could be but I digress. I want to write and blog and I have caught myself midcomment on Facebook and said "Mike this comment of yours  should be your  blog."

I mean share your  pain with  the world not  this idiot on Facebook. (for the record I am not  friends  with any  idiots on Facebook...just some of  my friends' friends are idiotic).

like that guy in the  middle. (SAFE  DANCING MIKE)

Geez.

Where was I?

Well nevermind. I am going  to get  back to writing.

My  blogs  won't fade away.

It's going to happen.

soon.

What I  need is  a vacation

Preferably with pirates

This morning I am driving into Knoxville and realize that I have dropped so low that  I  am listening to pop music and trying to make sense of the lyrics.

so there  I am having a moment like this

Except its One Direction and Ke$ha and thinking

did she just rhyme 'young' and "get some?"

Since I never get comments, I am going to take it as complete affirmation that I am right

like usual.

Maybe I just miss Cortanna

and THAT.

IS

LIFE  

ACCORDING

TO 

JOHN

I meant Mike

(no I am not playing to much Halo)

My Nine to Five: I have the BEST fans ever!

My Nine to Five: I have the BEST fans ever!
Danna Richards is the like amazing songwriter/singer who should think better  of her own worth. we all should

Elections

WAY to many of them.
Could we ban  political ads
We could vote blind
we do anyway

Yes I voted
Yes I voted for.... Stephen  Colbert and Bill the Cat
but  not for President.

I  voted for the Man who  has  done the best for me (and  for the  record more than  any  other president in my lifetime)

No, the  other man. You Guys Kill me.

Why I need to get up with the Sun and Write

This will be a rambling enty blog. So read on only if you dare or things are slow in your department.

This is my general feeling this morning

I love women, (not that it is reciprocated much) its not a sexual thing, more of an impish, life is splendid kind of appreciation.

Sometimes I wish I had been born a woman, but then I probably would have thought the same of men.... ok not really. Mostly people take themselves waaay to seriously.

This is one of my favorite N. Portman moments. Makes me wish I had known someone like her when I was young enough to believe I would meet her one day.

This morning over my breakfast of Oatmeal, salt, and Hershey's Special Dark Morsels

visual:

+

+= Heaven sent meal!

Anyway I realized that I have always been a writer in my life since I have almost always been the observer not the participant in the things going on around me.

 This girl <<<<<<<

She giving the visual on how that idea hit me over the Oatmeal moment.

EUREKA!

I quietly screamed and flung down my spoon (scaring the cat)

Okay that was fiction but if the cat had been there I could have flung down the spoon and may have even startled it.

Years ago back when I still thought I would be a Archaeologist or a Artist or a Superhero. I lived through a series of experiences @ a junior college in Brevard NC (No I am not naming the college persay)

If involved AD&D (if you don't know what this is google Gary Gygax), sex, lust, a need for Justice, the Necromonicon (or a key of Solomon), lots of drinking, the student union, a girl crying wolf, a guy named Rambone (not Rambo but easily confused with him-apparently by the wolf crier), member's only jackets and the College President. Did I leave anything out? 

Oh Right, vigilantism, Justice, Barney Fife, unmarked security cars, Preps, Yippies, and dudes who play Drunk D&D.

At the time I thought I was a participant. Then a few years later I discovered this 

V

V

V

and my life changed, and the birds sang, and flew and probably did what they do every day (singing and flying)

Yes I know what you reaction is going to be

What are you going on about?

Wait? I got it.... No, no I don't.

Let me explain. When I found the Mac Classic. I discovered I had an inner voice. I found that it had always been there. It would take another 10 years for me to understand what that meant, of course.

The biggest hurdle in my own path was impatience. 

Think Queen.

no not this queen

This queen!

I want it all! I want it now!

Impatience- this guy gets it

world domination- well worlds domination.

So I am at Pellissippi State and I see this course:

screenplay writing

On a PC Clone (the IBM clones had already gone the way of the Dinosaur...evolved into Gateway 3000's)

I had started writing short stories by then.

(just wait that dragon has a point)

I had already written a short story called "D&D Late Night"

and then I found myself in this course and I needed something to write (when you take a writing course you will hear this phrase repeated almost as much as Sam Raimi, Stan Lee and Old Ben say "With great power comes great responsibility."

except this one is "Write what you know."

and it will take years to understand that it doesn't mean what you originally think it does.

So I wrote the Screenplay "D&D Late Night."

Circular logic

Now I am getting back to breakfast.  When I wrote the Screenplay, I realized that the short story I was basing it off of was too short, I needed more. Remember that list of things that mostly happened @ that college in Brevard?

I added it to the screenplay.

Because, I was there for all of it, I was in it, but mostly as an observer.

So this morning (while eating my oatmeal concoction -should patent it and get rich I should) I am trying to read Henry Miller (Tropic of Capricorn) and for some reason I start thinking about that movie that I should have found a way to make.

I did got to Video Production school years after writing the screenplay.

Then it hits me. Boom!

I am a writer (like here and now)

and my point is (has always been)

I am not getting the girl

the hero of my story gets the girl.

I am okay with that...

most of the time.

One day, someone (like God) may write about me

and I might even get the girl then

I am heroic. So like Kaneda, this is where I am riding off into the sunset.

and that is life according to Mike.

your turn.

Back to the Dentist

it's been 4 long  months but I have finally gone back to the Dentist. Why for the love of Mike, do I have to have a dentist with a good memory?
He's not one to forgive apparently either. You use one little teensy weensy adjective and BAM! he brings it up every time he sees you. (secretly suspect he likes the word more than he's letting on).
On  the other hand,  if I had to work in a place where the misuse of the English language was so highly rated by the Gorgeous/Charming/highly-skilled/yet easily distracted employees of Doctor D, I can hardly blame him.
Today's Score:
1) Smarmy is an adjective not a NOUN.  You can't be a Smarmy, you can be smarmy. (not to be confused with Swami-  which by all means  you can be anytime the need takes hold (Halloween is tomorrow- you can be a Smarmy Swami!)
2) Often. it's pronounced "offen" not ofT-Ten. to saps like me it sounds like you are saying "You are OFF TEN mistaken about yellow instruments." Instead of you are often mistaken about yellow instruments. (just saying)
3) You lay down those aforementioned yellow instruments (preferably before you jab me in the eye before bringing it up). You cannot lie them down. (By the way you have very beautiful eyes.)
4) I really need to get appointments when the  local supply rep is NOT IN TOWN. My tooth cleaning was interrupted several times by such challenges as tropical fruit, cherry, cinnamon and wintergreen. I prefer purple instruments of torture over yellow instruments of torture (I meant cleaning- seriously I meant cleaning) just lay the sand  blaster down beautiful but angry Dental Hygienist.
5)  when you have both hands in my mouth, I really don't need to hear things like: "I am not sure how I am going to get in there-" or "this is going to be hard to reach."
6) when you have a sharp instrument in my mouth don't ask about a trip from 8 months ago- and expect anything more the disembodied grunting.
AND
7) We went over the pustulous vein in my mouth the last time I was here, and the time  before that, and  the time before that and that time I asked you if it was a "blocked taste bud" and you said NO- who in the heck told you that (I suspect that you didn't actually say heck). And  I said this oral surgeon @ Fort Sanders. And you said (well you get the point...  if there was a point..

Things I am thankful for:
1) another toothbrush (makes great Christmas presents- especially since the overall dental health of my family and friends makes "Sanggle tooth" sound  like a desirable  nickname.
2) another day in the sun with very well cleaned if not very  sore teeth and gums
3) not crying in the dental chair like that other time (you know the one where we agreed never to bring it up again.)
4) not having to pay up front. (since I doubt you accept lose change and stray dogs)
5) asking about my mother (EVERYBODY ASKS ABOUT MY MOTHER) Why  should you  be  any different
6) not making me wait long in the lobby. Last time I was there I had to sit through the most INANE conversation ever between a mother and  her 2 teenage kids and "husband(?)" who came in to join  them. It was one of those I wish I were on Mars during  a wind storm would be better than this moments that we treasure when we are old.
and 
7) just because I needed it to be seven  and to  tell you that I don't really think my Dentist  is smarmy- no if fact he is just a simple motor-cycle riding,  plane flying, well dressed, super hygienic, very  knowledgeable, vocal individual who wears scrubs but is surprisingly consistent at dentistry. 

yeah  that's it.
I  am dedicating this song in honor  of my Dentist. Doctor DS!   DDS Blues  <<<< click it)
and while you  listen to this special song here is some visual help!

yes she's either thinking "Purple or yellow?"  or "at  least  he's  handsome."

This is the kind  of Dentist who would at least look as Scary as he seems. (9 yards)

I think Jerry lived to regret making Jokes about his dentist. (Seinfeld)

imagine how you tongue feels about you dentist  (Willie Wonka)

make sure you see the abject terror in the reflection (The Dentist- is it a RomCom? nope it's horror.)

It's a good thing that most dentist have nicer assistants then this comedy dou

If my Doctor DS, wore  this I would feel better or have nightmares or both

this makes me think of my Dental Hygienist, except she's brunette and has more tools 

Gervais is not the person I would trust with anything sharper than a toothbrush

Mandvi is also a Daily Show reporter (keep that in mind before you let  him put a finger inside your mouth)

Invention of Lying. No it's not from that movie, but I think it would have been more appropriate (Ghost Town)

Chuck (who  in the Heck thought that DANE COOK  could be a dentist) is  a  "dentist"  who gets laid a lot.

"laid" in this sense is slang and seldom means lying down. (Good Luck Chuck- this one decent thing DC has done that didn't involve public apologies or community service.

Quintessential image. If you need that explain go ask Doctor DS and he will inject it into you psyche. (Unless your name is Horton- than a hearing doctor may be a better bet) 

I feel like running down the street yelling "I Knew it! I knew it!"  except I didn't and ironically this is one of the only 3 of these Dentist movies TV shows I haven't seen yet. (weird that you would suddenly know you had a new genre on your hands).

Sam Waterston as  a dentist is only slightly less scary than him as a defense  lawyer. Unless you know what movie  this is taken from then you should be afraid 

and finally a man who should have never been allowed around power tools, any power tools.

And THAT

is life according  to Mike

when it's 2 am and I cannot breathe through my nose

The curse of Sleep Apnea is snoring. The blessing of the CPap is that it forces you to breathe and thus sleep through the nasal passages (mine does anyway). Then at certain times of year, like now, those passages dam up and I find myself looking at this laptop late at night and wondering if sleep will return?

looks like a downspout attached to your head

Oh Cpap.com, what would I ever do without you

So here I sit, typing away into the early hours of the morning and doing my lill bit of Facebook while contemplating how to jump back into the stories I was writing up until lately.

I think I will try sleep again, thanks to Neil mist, another nasal invention that involves pouring hot water up your nose (although with the nellipot you are actually pouring it down) until it goes through one nostril and drips/spews out the other. Yum! makes me want to do it again.

Still the ends make the means endurable if not wet.

and that is sleeping according to me.

mike.

and the

sheep in your head

since it's not me 

that is in your bed.

At long last I watch the Hunger Games

So I finally got around to watching The Hunger Games. My verdict goes like this. like so few movies, it was really better than the book. I know people are going to say that there was a lot left out. But let me tell you this, it made the story have more flow than having all the distractions that were in the book

Case in point: the Mocking Jay pin. It was introduced differently and passed around a bit differently but it eliminated the need for another sympathetic character (mayor's daughter) Books can get away with too many characters easier than movies. (this goes back to Greek Tragedy- the less characters on stage the better for the story)

Another point: Collins (the author) gets distracted a lot during her book. We don't need to understand about pods (especially since through out all three books they are never really explained). The director Gary Ross, can tell us all we need to know by showing us- in the wild dog scene- the dogs pop out of the landscape giving them a holographic sense (think holodeck-STNG) which brings me to another thing the author seems to get hung up on, the faces on the dogs in the books are dead tributes (its a slight slip- but as I was reading it it was like careening off the plot - my Suspension of Disbelief was like "what the hell was that." I must have reread that scene 5 times trying to figure out what the point of that was.

One really good thing the movie did over the book was convey a sense of landscape and location (which was not successful in the book- which as a writer is very hard to achieve- I am only all to aware of this.) But the advantage of film is that the scene can be set quickly (seconds) with the kind of detail that would take pages. I think it would have helped Collins to have read some Stephen Donaldson (Thomas Covenant) and the a little Tolkien (LOTR) then looked at a map of the US and gone back to the writing table to rethink that whole bit again with the districts. I mean they come across in the book like quadrants on a board game not an actual place.

another thing the movie actually did better than the book was the tragedy and travesty of the killing of these kids. I mean the scene in which Rue dies is probably one of the best scenes in the book and the movie did not let the viewers down. But the movie in a matter of seconds show the brutality of what it must be like as well as the confusion, chaos of the killing in the plot. Ross takes another page from the Greeks in this (he might not know it but he did) most of the awful violence takes place off screen. The Greeks would do almost all their butchering/killing off stage. This makes the deaths worse and far more effective (for me anyway- I am not into gore anyway)

As far as movies go, this one gets 3.5 out of 5 for me. Or 8.5 out of 10. The one thing I didn't like is Woody Harrelson as Haymitch. I pictured Haymitch more of a Robert Urich/Joe Mantegna type of character. What I mean by this is that while I like Woody in some things- he's not ideal for everything. Also he tends to play the same five characters over and over again. he is definitely a character actor- which works great in Zombieland/Natural Born Killers/White Men can't jump and the like but this role doesn't do him justice. Haymitch is not a worthless drunk- no he's a miserable worthless drunk who is overwrought with the guilt of helping a ton of kids to their deaths. It funny but I see him more as the Comedian (Jeffery Dean Morgan) out of the Watchmen. Haymitch is bigger than what Woody managed to convey.

other than that the movie was good.

Now for the best/worst part.

If I was Gary Ross, I would say no to a sequel UNLESS I could rewrite the storyline of the last 2 books. I would pull a Paul Verhoeven and stop reading after 4 chapters in Catching Fire and 2 chapters in Mocking Jay and make another movie. Or a Kevin Costner and completely rewrite the ending (The Postman- Thor forbid you have to read the last half of that book- it's about as bad as what Collins does to her good idea). 

So what am I going on about? The fact that Collins turns her books into a "Beneath the Planet of the Apes" meets a fairly redundant video "arcade" game that has a lot of crazy action and pages and pages of 'no point" just so Collins can pretty much kill off everyone who is redeeming like Primrose/Cinna/Madge/Finnick and so on. The books end with a lot of melodrama that is reminiscent of something called OVERKILL.

Again why is this a problem for me? because of all of them only Cinna's demise has some meaning/furthers Katniss's character development- moves the plot forward. Okay, I might concede that Primrose's death kind of works- all it really does is give Collins a way to avoid coming up with a better way to resolve Katniss and Gale's relationship (which was doomed in the first book but takes the next two to evolve into something and die in a completely ridiculous sappy disaster. 

Collins why for the love of Mike, did you turn the last book into a video game like Contra?

no answer.

If you don't understand- here's another mystery, how does a mediocre writer (see her other books if you don't get that reference) go from Twilight to best seller? Because the reading public's intelligence and aptitude to recognize good writing has been in the proverbial toilet for years and years.

To name a few disasters that are considered good books and were made into equally disastrous movies.

Spiderwick Chronicles (the books wander around in a labyrinthian maze that had me doing more rereading of the ones I had just read than getting on with the point. I gave up on the movie about 12 minutes in.

Twilight, 4 and a half chapters and I knew I was going to hate everything about the "new" vampires (another rant altogether) No I WILL NOT SEE THE MOVIE! Snow White and the Huntsman is as close as I want to get to KS as I need to be. Maybe if someone bitch-slaps that girl into more than 3 facial expressions than i will see another of her movies. Not even the lure of seeing her naked could get me to endure her again (On the Road)

A Series of unfortunate events (JIM CARREY was actually the best and worst part of that movie) Tim Curry (made all but two of the audiobooks endurable) but by book 6. Not even wickedly pronounced word puzzles could get me out of my stupor.

The Host- another Meyer disaster that is somehow considered really good - so good that some fool has made a movie out of it- however since its another pod people movie I suspect it will be in the dilapidated cardboard box that holds the other dumb alien movies in the back of Evil Eye Video.

Percy Jackson- do I have to spell this one out. Rick Riordan had a nice concept and his other books are better. BUT why do these guys ruin perfectly good myths in order to "modernize" them?

Beastly- book was pretty good until the end- then it went ultra-gushy. Movie was 10 times better.

NPH has a golden touch here

So there it is in a really BIG NUTSHELL.

Movies according to Mike