life with Google tech

google tech support for a smoke alarm/carbon monoxide detector called the Nest Protect:

me on twitter: Google Nest Protect lifespan 1 year 4 months. wifi fails Way to go @GoogleStore for being obtuse, unhelpful and making everything about the pixel phone instead.

google: Uh-oh! We're sorry if you feel that way, Michael — let's look into this for you. Could you tell us what happened to your Nest Protect unit?

me: when I re-setup the unit it goes through the motions then fails to connect to the "nest/network/account" and drops the setup back to the beginning. I googled fixing it with no luck

google: Gotcha. Could you DM us here so we can gather more details?

Made By Google@madebygoogle

Made to be helpful. Get the latest on: Google Pixel & Pixel Buds, Nest Audio, Nest Hub, Chromecast with Google TV, Nest Thermostat & more

me: details about the nest (tech details of the device with order number)

google: Thanks for the DM and for the details, Michael — to confirm, have you already reached out to our support team before? If so, could you provide us the case number from your previous interaction?

me: no, I have not been able to, your page defaults everything to pixel phone support

google: Understood. Have you tried rebooting your devices including your Wi-Fi router? Did your Nest Protect connect successfully before to your Wi-Fi network? If so, have you made any changes prior to this?

me: so I was on AT&T u-verse dsl and I switched several times until I landed on Verizon and an Asus router. I also had google wifi which I was largely dissatisfied with since it would be great on day and then the next be telling me to moving the mesh points before changing its mind and saying everything was great. So I sold the google wifi on eBay as it no longer was needed.

I then put my google minis and nest hubs on the asus wifi and they work fine, The nest also works fine on the router, it was only today that we had a power outage and I realized that the nest protect was offline. I then went through five attempts to bring it back online including reseting it after it would not simply recoonect. no I did not reboot my router as the wifi was working for everything else.

I finally removed it from the nest thermostat app and attempted to readd it about 4 times which failed after I setup the wifi. the protect would add the wifi and then test it and then say it was adding itself to the nest network and then after 5 minutes or so fail and I would have to start again. I switched around the nest, my phone and the protects wifi access and placed them next to each other and they still did not connect via the protect.

I have also run the manual system check on the nest protect and it said everything was fine.

save when I try to connect it to the wifi/nest network.

so I conclude its FUBAR.

google: Thanks for being a few steps ahead. Are you seeing any messages when trying to connect your Nest Protect to your Wi-Fi network? If so, could you send us a screenshot of it?

me: get back to you tomorrow after i get the thing off the wall again

google: Sure thing. You can get back to us whenever you're available. Our entire conversation is recorded so we can easily pick up from where we left off — keep us posted.

next day:

Google: Thanks for the screenshot. If you have a dual band router with both 2.4GHz and 5GHz bands, make sure they have different names so that you can correctly connect your Nest Protect to the 2.4 GHz network. Nest Protect can’t connect to a 5GHz network and may not be able to tell your networks apart.

me: yes, I know this and yes they have different names and yes, the nest and my phone are on the 2.4 ghz and it still won't connect

Google: Got it. We're sorry that you had to go through this — we also need to check your router’s firewall settings. Your firewall settings may be preventing Nest devices from connecting to the internet. You can try lowering these settings temporarily to see if your issue is resolved. Restore your firewall settings back to your preferred security level afterward. High firewall security or parental controls can block communication with Nest servers.

Let us know how it goes.

me: checked the firewall, not being blocked. I have 3 nest hubs, 6 smart bulbs and a nest thermostat, no firewall issues. Come on. either stand behind your product or don't stop wasting my time with this dodgeball game. the item is not working anymore, I regret buying the damn thing now.

Google: We understand how you feel — we didn't mean to disappoint you. Your Nest Protect requires IPv6 in order to be added to the Nest App. Could you check your router's documentation to confirm that your router supports this setting and for information on how you can enable it. Check this link for guide: https://bit.ly/3r29iNR

checked out guide (no help- had to ggogle it)

me: I have an asus rt-ac68u router and I enabled the ipv6 and the result is this

Google: Thanks for trying the provided step, Michael. Could you give these steps a go? 

1. Quit and restart the Nest app.

2. Restart your phone.

3. Make sure that the assisting product is awake and it is within distance.

4. Enable airplane mode, Bluetooth and Wi-Fi

5. Enable IPv6

6. Try using a different device for adding.

my response:

here is my answer.

oh hell no.

I am not doing that because that is stupid.

IPv6 is not going to fix it and my phone is not going to fix it nor is my cell signal.

this is dumb

I am finished.

either back up your tech or get lost.

I wasn't born yesterday, the next thing you are going to ask me to do is turn off the flourescent lights and unplug the microwave.

I've done this kind of tech support.

bottom line. If all the other google devices and nest devices work and this one doesn't, it's not the router or for pete's sake my cell phone. it's the f-ing nest protect!

later on twitter:

Google tech support.

it's can't be our product

it has to be your cell phone, your router, your ISP, the weather, the electronics signature of the atmosphere.

my respect for Google as a tech company is in the toilet along with their infuriating tech support.

I used to be traumatized by Nightmares

 When I was a child I would wake screaming incoherently from nightmares.

Today at 51 almost 52 years of age. I woke with a wordless scream from a nightmare in which I was trying to write down the information provided to me by my mother and her two sisters before my conscious mind realized they were all dead. I was making a list of names and what happened to them as the darkness took the information from my hands reducing it to mindless gibberish and bring back childhood and repressed memory of dread of chaos.

When I was still;l young and living at a place called Shady Dell Trail in an antebellum-style house in an old neighborhood of Knoxville. Where the urban myths were that some of the houses had once belonged to slave owners who tortured and killed their slaves. I lived in a corner room where I hoarded Oreos and milk and hid from the darkness and chaos that lingered and haunted the fringes of my mind.

My worst nightmare at the time (or at least as i remember it- I wasn't a writer yet) was of chaos. A Scribble of Madness that surrounded the idea of my angry mother who would point at me and my father having to slap me awake because I would come to, incoherently screaming in sheer terror.

My mtoehr loved me and provided me with literature, music, and a love of art.

I have no memories of her holding me, nor taking care of me when I was sick or when I would wake from nightmares.

Now my mother is dead and my father has lost his mind (or- at least, a good deal of it) There is no one to tell save my brother who in my childhood was sleeping in the basement a world away from me and right now I don't understand why he was down there. Perhaps he will be able to explain it to me when he wakes up.

It's 6am. I am seeking the comfort of Oreos and Milk as I have awakened to an empty house that belonged to my mother who is now dead and cannot share the secrets of a past that might be best forgotten if I could only stop remembering it in my dreams.

notes: In the dream, I painted a picture of someone who looked like Errol Flyn but according to my mother was actually her father. my grandfather of whom I have never met. In the dream, I was painting him with black oil paint from an old 35mm film canister which I held in my right hand whilst painting with my left. I would wet the brush with my lips. This might have a connection to a childhood story of my brother once feeding me wall paint in South Africa when I was three or four. 

Did that actually happen? My parents and Sister told the story a lot. Did I suffer some kjind of blood poisoning? Trauma once the adults realized that my brother had done this to me?

I painted his portrait onto the side of a brown or white paper bag. Somehow this was a Crux to the dream that would keep reality from realizing that I was changing the past or at least trying to.

it didn't work. 

I had watched a video about Terminator The Rise of the Machines which has a semi-eligible plot about how you cannot change the past...? It's a terrible movie.

Once, I was presented via Facebook with the hypothetical RESET Button MEME.

Most people commented about how they desired somekind of Reset to their lives.

I declared to all (including those who weren't on Facebook)  that I would slap that button silly.

This morning, I still would.