Monday, October 8, 2012

Why I hate games like God of War

Lets take the Greek myths and belittle them into a farcical travesty of misrepresentation and lets come up with tomb raider meets mortal combat meets Pokemon  This series has to be the most beautiful ridiculous mess of game dynamics and ineptitude I have ever had the mispleasure of playing.
You play a veteran warrior/priest/ asshole who goes around feeling sorry for himself. He is not a hero, he is barely a god. It makes Percy Jackson and that screwed up take on Greek Mythology glow.What's worse is that you got a guy with two really big knifes or short swords on chains running around like some very ugly version of Bloodrayne slicing and dicing a bunch of ultra-repetitve AI enemies, and bemoaning the fact that he is the god of asininity who is so self-centered that he makes Oedipus look like a selfless hero and Ajax like a pacifist!
In the meantime he runs through a world that was designed by Theseus and Da Vinci if they were Cenobites. They cities are precipitous and full of traps and very uncomfortable, inaccessible living spaces. Halfway through the game I asked myself- who in the Hades would live in ANY of these buildings. A short time after that I asked who in the heck would want to even build such a place. Egyptians could totally do it- especially if they had whips and chains and leather garters to encourage the slaves.
In my opinion the best way to absolutely ruin a not completely crap game is to end it with "simon sez" button mashing. So I rank God of War- C- (not completely sucking-since I could beat it after only 20 attempts or so) God of War 2 played 10 times better until the last 2 boards and went into major suckage with all of the stupid crap the game designers left out to make the "Finale" and what do they end with "simon Sez" mini-game.
I think I will skip GOW3 since it can only get worse from here.

I think the most insulting thing to me about this game is that the game designers thought it was fun.
I thought I had to be wrong.
The game is not pointless, masturbatory, sadism- it's got a story...right?

I mean there's got to be some redeeming feature to this series?

not bloody likely- more likely however is that it is a murder-fest that makes Steven Seagal look like a rank amateur and Batman look like a Mall cop.
The game dynamics suck- and here is a "truth" about games like this. He's a god, yet he cannot run very fast, cannot jump very high and obviously has major trouble pulling levers. Oh, yeah and he cannot fly.
Glide... yes but no flying.
What was the point of becoming a god if you cannot fly.  

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