Good Morning Vietnam! Why I wish I was more like Robin Williams

I wish  I was Robin Williams.
Well like this Robin Williams:

This would be it

and not this Robin Williams

But not this one (gives me the heebie jeebies)

What do I mean by  this?
It's like some mornings I feel like taking on  the world. Except I have no coffee,  no cigarettes, intoxicants, drugs to  get  me going or keep me going.
The going  gets tough and  while I want to get the tough going part of me just wants to go sit in a closet and weep.  Except  that I can't.
When  I started this blog everything looked like it was going to be  a good day..
Murphy is laughing at me. I  hate when Murphy laughs at me.
Which only makes Murphy laugh even more, like a  desperate villain who knows that he is doomed but laughs anyway

Now some mornings I feel more like this (mostly having to remind myself) that my mouth- words can be dangerous to me and others. We are not guaranteed at birth that what we think is what we are allowed to say. In fact, we often end up with more restrictions to telling what we think than any other action we get in our life span (shorted for those who choose to ignore these rules). So who make these rules. They do, we do, you too and yes so do I. The rules have always been there, they follow us around like our "American Gods" - they are integral parts of our culture and where ever we are within that culture. You might think you can escape it, but it will find you and before you know it you will spill out some ethic/ethnic/cultural law learned as a child in front of the people you live with (if you are really lucky- those people are the ones who came up with/adopted the rule in the first place) more otfen then not the people will be new group who have different laws altogether.
What is Mike talking about?
It can be language differences: Like when I decided to learn Japanese colloquially. I was at college and I knew some Japanese students. So I went to them and asked. They giggled a lot and shook there heads. They were all girls (even-especially in the Japanese sense). "Mike, I cannot learn you Japanese." Emi said (I was tutoring her in English. "You are a man." More giggling. (sorry no more pictures- blogger keeps freezing)
[here would be a picture of various anime girls in a series of reactions from embarrassment to laughter to shock]
Okay, for some reason the girls would not teach me Japanese, so I asked the guys. Ruckus laughter then thinly veiled hatred. I learned what "Gaijan" meant that day.
As it turned out my friend Patrick (who spoke Japanese -and almost only exclusively to the girls) explained that Japanese is a very gender-specific language. The feminine is strictly for the women and masculine for men. Typically the two don't mix (this is 1989). I suspect a lot has changed. Anime changed a lot of this. Though many of the (it's mine and not yours) Japanese rules remain in place.

well that explains some of it anyway.

There are just as many if not more rules here in the US. Americans are not as aware of them as they once were. You seldom here Yankee or Rebel bandied about as much as you once did. Football has dissolved many of those lines in the sand. But if you are from South Africa and you are the offspring of a Southern American Mother (white) and a South African Father (again white) who has a strong Irish/Detroit/Afrikaaner background it is a whole other matter entirely.
I am truly a fish out of water. The worst part for me is there is truly no place for me to go back to. I was never really from anywhere that would acknowledge me without shotgun diplomacy (a cultural reference to my east Tennessee roots).

The short of it. I am smart and sophisticated (not enough) and cultured on a wide level. I still cannot speak more than a phrase of Japanese nor any language other than Klingon (which is mostly in the way it sounds not what is being said- don't tell the klingons though) [here would be a nice picture of a Klingon gutting me]

This picture pretty much sums it up for me today, I don't know who she is, but I can say that she has impeccable taste and expression to go with it. 

"Oh well." I think I hear her say. "Life goes on but you can always eat Ice Cream (or gelato- which is better anyway).

(I want to give a shout out to a fellow blogger who inspires me to media my blogs more)

The Modern Jedi

I figured I better since I borrow some of her ideas (which are often way cooler than mine and the occassional picture -which is always way cooler than mine as well) Thanks Master Jedi.

And that....

Is life according to Mike on Tuesday

experimenting with google drive

Bear with me.
yes Virginia this is a test not a bear

AND

it works.

Now we test again.


Well, it has been partially successful. I can share mp3's stored on Google Drive but, the link is not direct and you have to download the whole file before listening to it.

Sometimes we should avoid identifying to closely with Movie characters

I watched THE HEART IS A  LONELY HUNTER this week and Alan Arkin's performance has really stuck with me.

There is this  scene following the Singer learning of the Death of  his friend Spiros. Singer  is walking down a darkened street.  He is upset. As he walks along he holds his arms straight down, you can see that he is signing  (sign language)  to  himself frantically, like man who is drowning in  his despair as his world comes crashing down on him. Arkin portrays this so poignantly as the rush of sadness for this man trapped now forever in the loneliness that surrounds him. The  moment was it seeing  him pleading for  some relief- if I thought My friend Steven could  take  this depressing movie  I would have  him translate what Singer is  saying at that  moment. I would like  to know but then I wouldn't.
It hits too close to home.
I am  Singer (at least  as he is portrayed  here) or rather there are times  that I feel this way. It is as if everyone can see me but  no one is  listening to what  I am  saying.
I can be in a conversation with someone and they will start talking about themselves or something else as if I had not spoken or will latch  onto something that is not relevant to  what I am saying.
It probably doesn't actually happen but for me  at that moment it does.

This is not a moment where you rise up determined to fight (it's not Tara) I am not Scarlet O'Haring it a  rising up with my fist in the  air and screaming "Tomorrow is another day!"
or something  like that.
This is a moment or surrender to despair or flee. This is a moment where my first instinct is to set every ablaze and ride out into the  West like a cowboy leaving his past in  the dust.

Sometimes we need to  leave  a space between us and the movies we watch. Sometimes people are listening even when we are sure they  aren't.

What  is this about?

Sometimes you find yourself looking in the  mirror and this stranger looks back at  you and  you wonder that maybe you going to find out that for the  last 5 years you  been in the alley talking to your mirror self asking him: 

"I want you to  hit me as hard as you  can."

Fight club moment

Instead, maybe you find yourself in a chair with a gun under your chin and in the minute before you pull the trigger you  wonder if you took your antidepressant that morning.

You can't remember.

This is what depression is  like.

This is what my life can be  like, sometimes.

One Way to look at Depression

another definition

And THAT has been life according to Mike

Passwords and Such stuff that Dreams are made of

Passwords?
Dream?
Ingredients of  the same. Why yes, William, I suppose that is what I will blog about tonight as I recover from Wedd-eating (unrelated activity and no not what I had for supper!).

Lately, I have run into many situations where a password has been the focus of much stress and frustration.
Most recently a friend of mine (lets call him Josh)- (no wait lets call him Joe- it was Josh by the way but lets not upset him). Anyway "Joe" had a problem with Wow and I was trying to sort it out when Wow informed him that because his password was too easy they were locking his account.
What?
What is Wow?
Wow.
Wow is an Internet term for the ACRONYM WOW which is World of Warcraft. See Reference here:

WORLD OF WARCARFT EXPLAINED (warning very sexy voice)
and mostly not this:
Not WOW but close

ANYWAY.
The thing that happened is that Joe had chosen a simple password and number combination which is pretty easy to crack as this site will let you know.
How Secure is My Password Fool!

If you are curious his password was...well I am not telling you that but it was like this Richards79 (Reed Richards that is)

Sorry Reed, too easy

 So I had to come up with a better password.
Now the reason I come up with this is- This is a warning to you guys with the simple my wife's body measurements plus her anniversary date - no I meant our wedding anniversary honey don't make me sleep on the couch again dear guys.
If Blizzard is going to make it's players change their dumb passwords then other game companies will follow suit and so will your banks, webmail and porn sites (yes I know that there is at least one of you who still thinks he has to pay to see porn on the internet).
Which reminds me of this entirely raunchy show tune (if you are under age or have virgin ears do not look this one up on You Tube- it's from Avenue Q. Since I fear my mother, I will NOT be posting a link to that.

The Advice:
Passwords can be strong in two ways.
1. Be Cryptic. What is Cryptic? Well it isn't like this:

Hello Kiddies

Who Knew?

 Or like this guys 

here it a hint

Cryptic passwords are like this P@sZW04Ds with simples, different caps, numbers instead of letters and the like. 

Just don't get too cryptic like using characters not found on standard keyboards since (duh) you may need to use a standard keyboard to enter that password.

2. Make them long. Longer the better. Lonk like Thisisn'tmypasswordsodon'ttryit

the only problem with this method is some sites are not upto speed on password security and make you have a pin which can be as short as 4 characters.

As this exercise is wearing me out I will leave you with this last thought.

Don't feel secure in sites that employ the anti spam generator that makes you look at this grapbel text document and guess at those characters before letting you in. They are frustrating and apparently very easy to track/hack with a digital camera.

Also if you are going to take my advice write the password down before you change it. Since most of you guys have no short term memory to start with. Once you got it memorized crumple up the paper and feed it to your wife (husband) and tell him that was cheesecake. If your cooking is like mine he/she will never notice!

And that is life according to Mike!

Looking for inspiration in all the wrong places

Well it's not here. Although I wish it would be!


Then just when I think I am getting a handle on things the Elephant walks - well lumbers into the room and things get a lot harder ( oh now there's a metaphor for you) Confused? probably- it's a man problem. If we are not thinking about food then we are thinking about....

Tea Leoni a woman worth a million words, most of them unintelligible unutterable desires 

NO NO NO

Safer but still she's got jeans on

Doomed, I am doomed

I will give you a hint, it's not sea-scapes, eyeliners or lipstick. It's women, bluejeans tight tee shirts and Look I need to think about something else since this kind of inspiration leads to impure thoughts and well (if you don't know then you are not old enough and should be in bed by now). So let's look at the thing I like to inspire me.

Adrenaline and blood, we need swords and blood

Add caption

that's better. Heroes and guns, guns are good well not in light of recent events. But movies help- let me see about thinking about movies to get a grip (don't go there) on my life and need to be inspired. 

Lots of men and more guns

the business end of Mr. Bond's wit?

 Is it just me or is every movie these days about guys with guns?

No I mean look at this one- No it's not another Die Hard- Would you believe me if I said it's GI Joe 2?

Woman and guns

And there you have it inescapable distraction of women. I guess I just tend to get women on the brain some days more than others So I will leave you all with these my frequent distractions....

guns on the brain well it did eventually notice she had a big gun (oh the irony  in the possible plural of that)

Woman and Video/PC Gaming

I would like takt the for a ride. HEY for once I was talking about the motorcycle thing!

There are other times I want to be spiderman, but right I WANT TO BE SPIDERMAN

Just when you thought it was safe to think about Storm Troopers and Baseball

There it is- I knew she was making me this crazy



And that life according to Mike!

Yes, Virginia there is more to it than that!

You know I never saw the movie. Whose afraid of Virginia Wolfe? nor did I realize that the original quote was "Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." and that it was never in the movie. Sometimes I miss much. But I will probably skip the movie. It's about two acloholics, lots of giggles in that one. WHOSE AFRAID OF A MOVIE, VIRGINIA?
The quote comes from an editorial Francis Church for the New York Sun and that story is far more interesting, but I won't tell it. BUT HERE'S A LINK TO THE WIKIPEDIA VERSION Yes Virginia there IS a Santa Claus

Yes, this is a geek who may be a little confused with where I am going

 Now that I have successfully gone on about that and am up against my usual time constraints since I slept in again. I will endeavor to be brief and avoid many more typos than necessary along with an empty promise to get back to this blog this afternoon.

Confused man like my coworkers

Confused?

this would be my facebook friends

This would be more like my mother if she was blonde again and much much young- except she would be much much better looking

Well, get used to it.

I need a body by Manikin 

My life continues to surprise- yes, even me. It like this one day I decide that blue polo shirts are going to be my normal attire but then I want my picture taken and I realize that I hate how I look in those blue polo Shirts so

if I had this body I would wear a tighter polo shirt instead of 3XLT

I go buy a long sleeve blue shirt instead (for the picture) while I am at JCP 

free advertising! no I am not paying for the logo (probably get axed by JCP anytime now

all stores look the same...right?

Now here is the punch line, yes I was getting to it. Eventually. I bought a Hawaiian style shirt instead which I wear almost everyday. What's not to love right?

Me if I could drink like this

Me, yep definitely me is I were Tim Thompson and looked as impressive

But I felt good in it and bought a Oriental panel one as well. Ended up posing for my soon to be posted photo in that one. (I promise) as soon as I pry it loose from Charlton Heston's cold dead hands. (Uhm- does anyone know where I can find Charlton Heston's cold dead hands?) 

Actually the picture will have to be bargained for from the Ever Capable hands of Mel the Magnificent! Maybe a Sushi Bribe?

And that my Friends is how I draw my conclusion.

That and stealing lines from Ferris Bueller :

Ferris: Life moves pretty fast. If you 

don't stop and look around once in a 

while, you could miss it. 

(and buying a workplace dummy from Amazon)

 s

 Watch out ST. John's- it's the OverAchiever!

And That my friends- is Life According to Mike.

See you soon!

Isn't life funny?

Funny like Joe Diffie might have sung it.

Here I am two days later still threatening to blog more. Still not blogging enough, Got things to do, places to got but Dammit I am going to say something today.

Life is Ironic.

My thought for the day is how often I feel like this song could be mine. Since I live in Tennessee and it is summer and mostly sunny

 down in a ditch

I could be one of those guys down in a ditch in the Tennessee sun. I can at least say I have been one of those guys down in the ditch watching the foreman sitting in the shade with his RC Cola- well it was actually a Mountain Dew and that's pretty Tennessean as it goes.

Now that I have managed to say more than a few words and waxed wisely or somewhat sagely, I must go work out before the sun goes down.

Remember this

Not that it will do you much good if you can't shut up

and that is Life according to Mike.

Now go eat a Moon Pie without choking to death on it!