1. Secret Agent.
2. Terrorist
3. Spy
4. Assassin
5. Writer.
You can probably guess where this is going.
Visa Controller (Zimbabwe): So you are a writer?
Me: Yup (translated from the proper English: Yes sir)
Visa Guy: Oh, what do you write?
Me: mostly a blog but some fiction and books
Visa Dude: I mean what do you write about.
Me: Life and daily things and now I am writing a travel blog
Visa Man: Oh?
Me: (it dawns on me finally) I am not a Journalist.
Visa Man looks relieved and smiles: Welcome to Zimbabwe, Mr. van Vuuren.
I do not lie. I had to go through that interview twice. Second time I knew better.
Going into Zimbabwe at Victoria Falls is quite an experience on its own. The hotel looks like it was ripped out of that Don Henley Video "All she wants to do is dance" a third world post war zone airport that is now seeing some expansion and improvement. The confines are tight through customs and the luggage scanner is a monstrosity that squats in the corner ( I would have taken a picture of it, if I had not thought I would end up back in front of the Visa man). Every bag going in is x-rayed - however the man doing looks like the action is more for show since the conveyor belt feeds into a closed door and the luggage piles up unless you are quick enough to grab it before the crash.
Beyond that is colonnade that reminds me of Romancing the Stone, replete with armed guards and several drivers holding up hand written signs looking for specific guests. I quickly ascertain that there is no shuttle waiting for us nor does it run on any schedule like other places we've been. After I realize that there is no wifi signal trying to reach our hotel by phone/web becomes futile.
We agree that we will take a taxi. The Taxi ride takes roughly 30 minutes and costs $30 US. The Taxi driver is very pleasant and talkative.
The drive takes us by a sign that announces that we should watch for Painted Dogs. I wonder about it but fail to ask my driver until we pass another one that shows something that looks like a cow but has weird horns.
When I ask the driver says Buffalo.
This means Cape Buffalo.
So I ask him about the Painted Dog.
Oh, that's for a Wild Dog ( and he explains that it's one of a dozen local names for the dogs which have three toes )
I take note of this as there are plenty of people walking and sitting alongside the road. Back in the Game Park, the ranger had talked about how dangerous the wild dogs were, so dangerous that the game park had rounded them up and moved them out of the park. I glance a bit nervously at the bush.
Then we pass an elephant sign and our driver shrugs and explains that each of the animals stays in their general region around the road. The only animals we see along the road are small clusters of cattle grazing (no fences, just go wherever they please).
Then we get stopped by the police in a barren stretch of road and I wonder why the police don't get their own sign (but only to myself)
The Driver says: Speed Trap.
I look around.
Three Zimbabwe policemen, no guns, a police truck (think small bed pickup with bed cover) and no radar. I don't ask about how they can tell if you are speeding. The driver grabs two laminated sheets that appear to have the Driver's ID on them and gets out.
I observe that there is no meter in the Taxi.
I like this.
The driver gets back in and shoves some form into his side door where there are many like it.
We drive on. He apologizes about the delay.
We drive through Victoria Falls town. There are young men standing around every where (apparently doing nothing) I wonder at this but don't ask as we are then leaving the town behind.
I ask the driver about our lodging The Victoria Falls Safari Club which mom thinks is right next to the falls. Ours turns out to be above the town on what appears to be the only hill next to the town/falls.
When we get close I am stunned by the grandeur of the Hotels ( yep there are three hotels run by the biggest one of them, The Lodge, Suites and Club are each one.
Look, it's me stunned.
And that is Life According to Mike.
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