So here it is the first Monday in 2012 that's twenty twelve for you neanderthals who need constant help in handling these complex details. Today I am reflecting on all that has happened in my Universe through my dimly lit senses. This morning I heard my name being called and had a biblical moment where I wondered if it was God calling my name. So I did what Samuel was told to do. I said, Here I am God, what would you have me do... but there was no reply.
Well sometimes it doesn't work so well, after all it took Sam several calls before he got it right. It would make life seem simpler if the God would reach out and talk in a language that us simple humans could say, hey, hang on It's God calling, I will have to put the world on hold and speak to Dad! But then again, perhaps that is exactly what it means.
We tend to make our life's very complex, so complex in fact that perhaps God does talk to us and like Samuel we don't understand that it is God who is talking and we are always looking to see if it is someone else who talks to us. Learning to listen to others is hard enough. The first step is learning to value what others say.
I think of what my friends and family say on Facebook. I can honestly say that I read everything they post and try to understand why they posted it. I don't always succeed.
There is this Curmudgeon that lives inside me, it makes it hard for me to tolerate stupidity and selfishness and often I become selfish and somewhat stupid in my own actions. as my therapist would say "I don't tolerate fools well."
I have a dry wit, dry might not be a strong enough word, arid might be better.
It doesn't mean that I don't love my neighbor, or my enemies. (yes we all have enemies-I would say only a few people escape it but that is another blog ) but I am fallible and human and sometimes the hurt is to great to deny my own resentment and mistrust. My worst enemies in fact are often my own family who I would never acknowledge that status in them but there are times when they bring out the very worst in me. So I see a few of them as worse than even someone like Lesbi or Conley who actively made it their mission to torment me.
In a perfect world I would have peace between me and my enemies, but like Shatner in STV "I need my pain" comes out on both sides.
Still it would be a wonderful thing is Lesbi and myself could throw away the hatchet which apparently he is still carrying around from high school 20 plus years ago. Which brings me to the ever famous Conley who most likely doesn't remember me at all and everyone (including my own family) thinks is such a talented and funny cartoonist. But I remember a different Darby Conley, the one who purposely alienated the religious right at DHS with his ranting on Evolution. He had a sense of humor then (farsidical as it was). And to this day I don't know what I did to deserve his attention, but for some reason he took to hating at me (oddly it had something to do with AD&D) but he went out of his way to be hateful along with a neighbor of mine. I retaliated and the neighbor got caught but mister Conley escaped and went on to become aloof and famous.
Can we forgive those enemies? yes. Can we forget their wrongs? that is harder.
Can we forgive the ones who hurt us? yes Can we forget the hurt? that is much harder.
But if you have ever hurt someone else, (for me it was a simple girl in Middle School-Gillian- who everyone- well almost everyone enjoyed despising and her only crime was being plain and not bright- and I liked but was embarrassed for it to be known by "everyone" rejected at a moment when I could have become her hero) then you will carry that hurt inside yourself for the rest of your life. As an enemy myself, I can see the benefit of making peace at my own cost to see her hurt healed. Although I forgave myself for being a fool and a cad, I kept the memory of the hurt to remember to never do something like that to another person again. Which makes it hard to be a curmudgeon, but good to be a human.
Can we forgive ourselves? almost never, but it is vital to forgiving others.
Well sometimes it doesn't work so well, after all it took Sam several calls before he got it right. It would make life seem simpler if the God would reach out and talk in a language that us simple humans could say, hey, hang on It's God calling, I will have to put the world on hold and speak to Dad! But then again, perhaps that is exactly what it means.
We tend to make our life's very complex, so complex in fact that perhaps God does talk to us and like Samuel we don't understand that it is God who is talking and we are always looking to see if it is someone else who talks to us. Learning to listen to others is hard enough. The first step is learning to value what others say.
I think of what my friends and family say on Facebook. I can honestly say that I read everything they post and try to understand why they posted it. I don't always succeed.
There is this Curmudgeon that lives inside me, it makes it hard for me to tolerate stupidity and selfishness and often I become selfish and somewhat stupid in my own actions. as my therapist would say "I don't tolerate fools well."
I have a dry wit, dry might not be a strong enough word, arid might be better.
It doesn't mean that I don't love my neighbor, or my enemies. (yes we all have enemies-I would say only a few people escape it but that is another blog ) but I am fallible and human and sometimes the hurt is to great to deny my own resentment and mistrust. My worst enemies in fact are often my own family who I would never acknowledge that status in them but there are times when they bring out the very worst in me. So I see a few of them as worse than even someone like Lesbi or Conley who actively made it their mission to torment me.
In a perfect world I would have peace between me and my enemies, but like Shatner in STV "I need my pain" comes out on both sides.
Still it would be a wonderful thing is Lesbi and myself could throw away the hatchet which apparently he is still carrying around from high school 20 plus years ago. Which brings me to the ever famous Conley who most likely doesn't remember me at all and everyone (including my own family) thinks is such a talented and funny cartoonist. But I remember a different Darby Conley, the one who purposely alienated the religious right at DHS with his ranting on Evolution. He had a sense of humor then (farsidical as it was). And to this day I don't know what I did to deserve his attention, but for some reason he took to hating at me (oddly it had something to do with AD&D) but he went out of his way to be hateful along with a neighbor of mine. I retaliated and the neighbor got caught but mister Conley escaped and went on to become aloof and famous.
Can we forgive those enemies? yes. Can we forget their wrongs? that is harder.
Can we forgive the ones who hurt us? yes Can we forget the hurt? that is much harder.
But if you have ever hurt someone else, (for me it was a simple girl in Middle School-Gillian- who everyone- well almost everyone enjoyed despising and her only crime was being plain and not bright- and I liked but was embarrassed for it to be known by "everyone" rejected at a moment when I could have become her hero) then you will carry that hurt inside yourself for the rest of your life. As an enemy myself, I can see the benefit of making peace at my own cost to see her hurt healed. Although I forgave myself for being a fool and a cad, I kept the memory of the hurt to remember to never do something like that to another person again. Which makes it hard to be a curmudgeon, but good to be a human.
Can we forgive ourselves? almost never, but it is vital to forgiving others.
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