Some days are just weird days

The other morning I took my mother for an appointment at the Greater Knoxville Ears, Nose and Throat office. My first thought if there is a greater one, was there a lesser ears, nose and throat?
My second thought was maybe it has something to do with size. The greater is for bigger and lesser for smaller. So that we would not be seeing anyone with small ears, noses and throats.
But that is just silly- It's probably something to do with celebrity.

another app I will not be getting

I went looking for a restroom and found my genders designation room occupied so I tried to wait, when that failed I went upstairs. I went to the elevator bank and pushed the up arrow and found a more spacious gender based restroom. I wondered why we always went to the correct (matching) gender room. Although I have seen more women coming out of men's rooms then the opposite. It's automatic- we are programmed to do it. The next thought was there are gender separated bathroom in airport but not on the planes
MyDoorSign.com  (picture credit with thanks)


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On my way back, I had to wait on an elevator. These two women were there with me. The first car to arrive was going up. They didn't seem to take note of me (nothing new). The doors closed and they were gone. I waited for a time then the same elevator opened and the same two women got off. They were surprised to find me already there. They stopped just outside the elevator and one of them said. "Oh, nice to see you again."
I didn't laugh. I guess I was surprised that they had noticed me.
They smiled and I smiled and off they went. I
I got on the elevator and looked at the man and woman already in the car. They looked at me as if I was in on some joke. As the doors closed I said.
"They just got onto this elevator from the same floor they just got off on."

We laughed.

Today it was supposed to rain. It looked like rain and then it looked like sun and then it rained.
I realized how alone I sometimes feel.
I thought of all the women that I love. Yes, love. Not all of them love me back.
I thought of how I wished one of them could love me back in more than friend/big brother kind of way.
It is the plight of almost every person who has ever found themselves looking in the mirror one day and realizing that yes you are in fact a reject of the mainstream.
Be it nerd, geek, weirdo, romantic and a whole list of less flattering names that I will leave to your imaginations.
Until that stupid movie (revenge of the nerds) no one considered us anything but undesirable unless they needed something from us. These days, for me anyway, it is usually free technology support (this makes me a nerd in some crowds) One thing I would like to point out is that I am a 6 foot 4 Nerd who has not been bullied successfully since Middle school. Not that others did not try regardless and there are still some who ignore the fact I am 44. I will only say that most of my tormentors have not succeeded (at least to expectations)

We all want love, we all probably need it.
Few of us get it.
people who are popularly considered to be like me (stereotypes abound) often do not.
It's not fate, it's not destiny.
Mostly I think it is luck
and social depravity.

Why social depravity?
Because society often decides who gets to be in love (semi successfully in love anyway)
In the broadest sense, only the beautiful (sexy/handsome/attractive/thin) get first dibs and we the less than perfect all to often reject others (often exactly the same) because we use the same qualifiers as the "beautiful people" do.

Society tells us who we are allowed to love or at very least have the expectation to love.
let me also say this Society (culture) as diffuse as it is
wants to determine whether I will be allowed to find my mate and who/what/how/probably where that is.
It's crap, it may even look like crap, I want it to be crap but today I find it inescapable.


Why bring this up?
Because I woke up one day and found the world of rejects, freaks, geeks and nerds suddenly was filled with beautiful people.

You would think I would be ecstatic. that I would be found running down the hallways of some educational institution yelling YES!

Nope, you will not.

this says it all (especially on facebook)

Why?

The answer is simple.
I didn't wake up as prince charming or even prince better looking with confidence to spare.

I am still me. The outsider, the rejected, the guy people often ignore on facebook (I admit I can be annoying- I suspect it mostly has to do with being honest- although I could be lying), avoid sitting next to on buses, airplanes and generally distance themselves from until they hear that Mike can fix just about anything technical and often mechanical or emotional.
It's insincere.

At the end of the day. we are just using each other. So our relationship is doomed if it ever begins.

Now, before you take me off to saint me (burn me at the stake) let me point out that I am, in fact, my own monster.

I want to fall in love (bed) with a beautiful smart, thin, moderately successful woman (sorry guys, next incarnation you get dibs). I am subject to my own complaint.
Even if I rejected the whole model and went out looking for a plain, drab, woman of weight (notice I left out smart- she has to be smart- it's one prejudice I will not even entertain going without) there will be the last irony.

She isn't looking for me either. She is looking for her version of the same thing.


There's only a 1 in a million chance she isn't (massive approximates- for you brains who insist on exacting detail- "deal with it")

Yes, as old and outdated as us 44 year-olds are, I do know some lingo.

There are exceptions to that rule. I know there are happy couples who only looked for the other and never tried other venues (which is a cheap and cheesy way of saying that they are pretty much in the same boat as me). Many or at least some will make the same claim but they are lying. They settled for less on the basis that something (sorry someone) is better than nothing (isolation).


This is not an end all or be all blog post. It is just how I have felt lately and especially today.

or maybe not

Some days are just weird days

when in doubt dance

One more thing. This is just about me. All i can write about is my story. It's not yours or anyone you know (unless you know me or think you know me). This is a day according to me.

This is me before I became bump-less

as usual, you are so right Emma Watson

Or as I usually say (rather)

That's life according to Mike.