When one proposes to eat weeds, one should consider the right tools of the trade. Also one should acquire a taste for perspiration and bits of grass. Weedeating is a dying art of desperation and bugspray. A fading craft of luck and humus spread among the dodgy field of lilies and roses. One should never weedeat to long or hold the weedeater to high. Also one should remember that if he or she has any strength in their thumb that tuning the spring can wait until summer unless of course you can mow it first. Then my dear readers, then you should definitely turn off your ipod and concentrate on what you set out to do instead of mixing metaphors, music and poetry while doing basic yardwork.
As to tilting with windmills, that is a matter of some difference. My advice is as follows- note not necessarily in the order given.
1. Always check the height of the obstacle against what you can manage- you will fall of less ladders this way.
2. Remember to check your weapons, tools, paperwork first, best be prepared for what can happen then wait until you find out a little to late that you needed a fork instead of a spoon, ink over pencil, phillips over standard, aaa or 9volt and so forth.
3. Always have an escape plan (Q was right about this one) bow out gracefully but make sure you can always bow out.
4. Accept defeat as a means of learning how to gainsay victory in the next engagement. One must understand his foe in order to someday best it.
5. It never hurts to go back and read the instructions a third or fourth time- I would advise checking often especially when dying your hair or in my case goatee. let's just say that hair dye is never as dark wet as when dried.
6. Always think through what you are doing and watch for signs of danger- like for instance if you slipped on the grassy slope without any weight then perhaps when you go back down said slope you don't carry that large sheet of glass in front of you.
7. never go it alone if you can avoid it. If you have to jump off a bridge talk someone into going with you, that way if you survive you can have a good laugh about it instead of crawling back up and hearing them say- "I told you so."
now armed with this advice remember to:
1. floss before and after most meals unless you are sitting at a table with your girlfriends parents
2. look both ways when crossing the street and keep looking because one glance is never enough.
3. Mind your p's and q's especially when dealing with your elders, police officers and angry balding short white men.
4. tell your mother you love her at every oppurtunity. as far as your dad is concerned- if you are a girl just smile and say something like "Oh daddy." He'll know. If you are a guy just grunt and nod, if he thinks you love him then you might want to ask for more money if not no one loses face.
5. always take time to reassure your pets that they are the most important things in your life and that you will feed them soon. Even if they aren't and you forgot to buy the pet food..again!
6. Tell your significant other that you love them more than the stars above and keep going until they start nodding yes. If you have no significant other, you can try this on a stranger or a friend but remember rule number 3 from above.
7. Read my blogs dangit. Because if you don't bad luck, fleas and a plague of rubber frogs will rain continuously from the sky until you do. Okay, probably not, but you never know it might happen.
Quote of the Day:
"If you haven't tried, you haven't lived."
(Meet Joe Black)
Quotient of the Day:
"Seven divided by three is probably not four but could be almost 2.9565656."
As to tilting with windmills, that is a matter of some difference. My advice is as follows- note not necessarily in the order given.
1. Always check the height of the obstacle against what you can manage- you will fall of less ladders this way.
2. Remember to check your weapons, tools, paperwork first, best be prepared for what can happen then wait until you find out a little to late that you needed a fork instead of a spoon, ink over pencil, phillips over standard, aaa or 9volt and so forth.
3. Always have an escape plan (Q was right about this one) bow out gracefully but make sure you can always bow out.
4. Accept defeat as a means of learning how to gainsay victory in the next engagement. One must understand his foe in order to someday best it.
5. It never hurts to go back and read the instructions a third or fourth time- I would advise checking often especially when dying your hair or in my case goatee. let's just say that hair dye is never as dark wet as when dried.
6. Always think through what you are doing and watch for signs of danger- like for instance if you slipped on the grassy slope without any weight then perhaps when you go back down said slope you don't carry that large sheet of glass in front of you.
7. never go it alone if you can avoid it. If you have to jump off a bridge talk someone into going with you, that way if you survive you can have a good laugh about it instead of crawling back up and hearing them say- "I told you so."
now armed with this advice remember to:
1. floss before and after most meals unless you are sitting at a table with your girlfriends parents
2. look both ways when crossing the street and keep looking because one glance is never enough.
3. Mind your p's and q's especially when dealing with your elders, police officers and angry balding short white men.
4. tell your mother you love her at every oppurtunity. as far as your dad is concerned- if you are a girl just smile and say something like "Oh daddy." He'll know. If you are a guy just grunt and nod, if he thinks you love him then you might want to ask for more money if not no one loses face.
5. always take time to reassure your pets that they are the most important things in your life and that you will feed them soon. Even if they aren't and you forgot to buy the pet food..again!
6. Tell your significant other that you love them more than the stars above and keep going until they start nodding yes. If you have no significant other, you can try this on a stranger or a friend but remember rule number 3 from above.
7. Read my blogs dangit. Because if you don't bad luck, fleas and a plague of rubber frogs will rain continuously from the sky until you do. Okay, probably not, but you never know it might happen.
Quote of the Day:
"If you haven't tried, you haven't lived."
(Meet Joe Black)
Quotient of the Day:
"Seven divided by three is probably not four but could be almost 2.9565656."
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